LaDainian Tomlinson (4 PaYd, 141 RuYd, 39 ReYd, 1 PaTD, 1 RuTD, 1 ReTD) – With the 1st overall pick in the annual Beer Is My Friend That Doesn’t Talk Back fantasy football league draft, Lucky Buggers select ... LaDainian Tomlinson! This stat line seems vaguely familiar. Oh yeah, Tomlinson has already thrown a TD pass this year back in week 3. This week he did change it up a little by hitting the David Patten trifecta of a pass, rush and receive TD. He extended his NFL record to 18 consecutive games with a TD scored and became the first player in NFL history to score 10 TD in each of his first 5 seasons (record held for about 5 hours; see the next guy). Now the media is jumping on the, “best ever?” storyline which we “broke” (wink) back in week 3. Thank you, thank you. We like to stay ahead of the curve here at FF Today HQ.

Shaun Alexander (141 Yd, 4 TD) – With the 2nd pick in the draft, Shamrocks and Rabbit Feet select ... Shaun Alexander! This stat line seems vaguely familiar. Oh yeah, Alexander has already scored 4 TD in a game this season... back in week 3?!? He became the second player in NFL history to score 10 TD in each of his first 5 seasons. Weird. And again with the Sunday Night Primetime game to show his stuff, just like he did back in late September 2002 when the Vikings came to town. Oh wait, that was 5 TD instead of 4. Whatever. Should fantasy points scored against the Texans count full value anyway? I’m thinking in their case every 2 TD should be 6 points instead of every 1. It would make things a little more sporting.

Edgerrin James (143 Yd, 3 TD) - With the 3rd pick in the draft, Indy Homer Horseshoes select... Pey... ah, just kidding ... Edgerrin James! A pair of TD from the 1, and another from the 8 yard line. Dominic Rhodes knocked in another from the 1. This is the new look Colts, folks. They run the ball until they can be stopped. No one has stopped them yet. At 6-0 why mess with success?

Oh what the heck, one more...

Priest Holmes (18 RuYd, 100 ReYd, 2 TD) - With the 4th pick in the draft, Injury Risk Be Damned selects Priest Holmes! This is me watching the halftime stats update roll by: “Why is Larry Johnson mentioned as top KC rusher with only 50 yards?” “Why is Johnson the top rusher with only 50 yards?!?” OH! Whew. Holmes did most of his damage through the air to the tune of 100 yards and found the end zone twice. Nice.

No offense to Santana Moss’ great day, and others, but how often do we see the top draft picks actually end up as the top picks in a given week. Like... never! This was an odd week because too many things happened the way they are supposed to. Going forward, I’m superstitious we’re going to pay for this somehow...

Fantasy Football Fathers Unite

Regular readers may wonder why FF In The Groin now comes out Tuesday - often late Tuesday - instead of on Monday as in prior years. Well, I’ve come to the difficult conclusion that having young kids and kicking back watching football all day on Sunday just doesn’t mix. It wasn’t too bad when there was only one kid and she slept most of the time (left), but now we’ve got this one (right) and the first one doesn’t sleep all the time anymore.

So football takes second priority on Sundays. Everything is watched on delay. While you non-Dads are watching the late Sunday game, I’m just finishing up a 1:00 Eastern game. Then I start into a 4:00 game if I can keep my eyes open, and the Sunday night game tends to roll into Monday.

It is sometimes tough to avoid seeing the score, which is extremely frustrating, but overall it gets the job done. I like to send out a special thanks to tech nerds everywhere for developing the PVR/DVR/TiVo recording systems. Without these it would make owning an HD TV pretty depressing. Although, now I find even when I do watch a live game I am instinctively thumbing the fast forward button to skip the endless commercials.

Anyway, I did make a comment from the couch last week, “...if there are any Dads out there who are able to successfully juggle a pair of kids under 3 and still effectively manage their fantasy football teams, I could use some tips right about now.” What I should have said is, “still effectively manage their fantasy football teams, update the stats database, write this article, catch up on email, head off to my tax job, watch Smallville and Lost (although interest is waning on Lost), upload Krueger’s player projections and keep on top of the website, I could use some tips...” That’s really what I meant. Hey, we’re all busy I know. And thankfully some FF In The Groin readers contributed with some tips to keep the family happy during football season. Here is a sample (sorry I couldn’t reprint them all):

Mike, I don’t know whether to congratulate you or offer my condolences so I’ll do both: Congratulations... you poor bastard.

Three words for handling the kids for forty minutes at a time, “Thomas the Train”. I have no idea why both of my boys are mesmerized by different colored trains with faces that talk without moving their mouths but, while it’s on, there is complete silence in the house for precious moments while I flip between games and check out my online scoring on Sundays.

Now, like any good remedy there are drawbacks. A Thomas the Train infatuation includes $20 videos, $15 small wooden trains, $60 track systems, $40 bridges and buildings to add to the system, and a $75 train table to keep all the pieces in one place (That’s the all-white Wal-Mart table. The trademarked Thomas table is $250 and it doesn’t even have drawers). Of course this is all a small price to pay to enjoy 4 blissful months of our favorite number-crunching pastime. And think of all the time you’ll have to do research while they are playing with the trains!!

Good luck. - Juan

Thanks Juan. I was in IKEA about a month ago and saw some knock-off Thomas train tracks which might save you a little coin. I’m sure the kids will never fall for anything other than official Thomas trains though.

Hey Mike. I have 3 girls age 6, 4, and 1, that keep me running non-stop. I also am trying to manage 2 fantasy football teams and be competitive! My best suggestion is lots of Barbies and lots of naps. At least this will give you some free time to analyze your matchups. But what the heck do I know? My teams are 4-1 and 1-4. I'm outnumbered at home and can't even get any time on the throne to read the sports page. Best of luck!

Wishin’ for a boy! - Clark in Texas

I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who can’t get any peace on the can (this is the kind of thing no one tells you about before having kids), but for the love of God man don’t have another one! If you are 0-for-3 now chances are it’s all girls for you.

Brutal WRs, And Then Some...

From another comment I made last week, no one seemed to have the now infamous trio of Andre Johnson, Michael Clayton and Charles Rogers as their top 3 receivers, but there were some doozies which, in all honesty, kind of made my stomach turn reading the emails. If you feel bad about your team, check these out:

Mike, How's this for top 3 receivers? Andre Johnson, Roy Williams, and Ashley Lelie. I think I'm starting Antonio Bryant and Kevin Curtis every week from here on out. At least I had Curtis in this week for Lelie. Did I mention that I had Ben Roethlisberger, Julius Jones, and Deuce McAllister in the same lineup? At least I still have Shayne Graham.

Thanks for listening. - Nick from Cincinnati

Taking solace in a kicker. Oh my...

I don't know how to prove it, but my three wide receivers were Javon Walker, Andre Johnson, and Michael Clayton. I don't need a prize, but some advice on which of the remaining two (Johnson and Clayton) to keep would be amazing.

- Chris

Clayton, but that is 50% a hunch and 50% wishful thinking at this point.

Mike, I just read your article where you say that you would love to see someone who has Johnson, Clayton, and Rogers on their team. Well I don't quite have that trio but I'd like to take you through the first 8 rounds of my draft for laughs:

1. Deuce McAllister
2. Marvin Harrison
3. Ahman Green
4. Darrell Jackson
5. Michael Clayton
6. Isaac Bruce
7. Travis Henry
8. Matt Hasselbeck

If I knew then what I know now and was challenged to put together the worst team I could (taking players consistent with their average draft position), I don't think I could pick a better one.

- Dan

This one takes the cake. I’m guessing you don’t get bonus points for setting NFL records like Harrison did last night? Thought not... You know, I’m looking at this and having a tough time coming up with a worse draft myself already knowing the results through 6 weeks!

Comments From The Couch

• Just a gut instinct, but I don't think Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson are buddies or hang out away from the football complex.
  
  
• At this point, drafting Tony Gonzalez was worse than drafting Javon Walker. Presumably at this point the Walker owners are slotting in a replacement scoring some points. With Tony G., we just keep starting him thinking this is the week. We're almost at the halfway point so he's going to have to have a hell of a second half to achieve the 80-1,000-8 preseason projections expected of him.
  
  
• Who picked up and started Patrick Pass this week? Anyone? I actually did in one league which, to put in perspective is a 16 team league starting 11 offensive players each week (max 4 RB). That is a lot of players so maybe starting Pass wasn't that much of a reach in that unique case, but it still felt good. Um... I'm not a Corey Dillon owner. Sorry guys. That had to be the worst goose egg of the week to stomach.
  
  
• This had to be the worst week for game time injury decisions I've seen in a long time. Still no one could have predicted the Corey Dillon dressed but standing on the sidelines all game. And Greg Jones going bonkers (relatively speaking; it was against the Steelers) when Alvin Pearman started and looked good the prior couple weeks. If ever there was evidence you need high-speed Internet access at home, this past Sunday morning was it.
  
  
• Eli Manning to Jeremy Shockey late in the 4th quarter for a score - better late than never to salvage something from a game I thought had shootout potential. And apparently there is no good replacement for Julius Jones.
  
  
• Hey, good stuff, my defense scored a TD this week. Oh, so did everyone else's who I played against...
  
  
• Mark Brunell has risen from last year like a phoenix from the ashes, and I'm still shaking my head trying to figure out how he is doing it.
  
  
• Carolina does not seem like a Super Bowl favorite to me. Every team they've played is 3-3 or worse (usually worse) and they've pulled the last two, arguably last three, games out of their ass.
  
  
• Carolina wasn't the only team pulling out late game heroics. Its funny we can be so adamant about who the contenders are (cough, cough, Atlanta) and about who the also-rans are (cough, cough, Lions, Saints), yet we match them up and the result still comes down to the wire. The next time you think about making a large wager on a "sure thing" football game, might I suggest a nice money market fund instead?
  
  
• I had a little chuckle that ESPN's Michael Irvin had to comment on the Vikings' romp on the river story from last week. To his credit, he didn't ignore that he took part in similar escapades as a player, and he certainly nailed the fact the Vikings players would have had a tough time concentrating on football. I'd say, "stick a fork in these guys", yet remarkably they are only 1 game out of 1st place in their division.
  
  
• Bills are in 1st! Bills are in 1st! Bills are in 1st! Yeah, it's a tie but nevertheless I'm going to enjoy it.

And The Winner Is…

Are random order pick drafts fair? Not this week. Not this week by a long stretch. Sure 1 player shouldn’t make or break a team, but to trot out a good lineup and then end up playing some guy who posts a couple goose eggs but 1 player who scores 3 or 4 TDs, and lose the game, that is not fun. Auction drafts people. Lets all take an oath to participate in more auction drafts going forward. Then if you want to blow 60% of your cap on LT you are more than welcome to, rather than leaving the team that acquires him to random chance.

As for our weekly winner, I really could pick any of the top 3 (sorry Priest, tell your QB to smarten up and start finding his TE). Let’s see... I have LT in 1 league. I have Edge in 1 league. I do not have Alexander but actually survived his onslaught in the “Patrick Pass” league mentioned above. LT got the award in week 3. I think we’d better go with Alexander given he chipped in an extra TD. Congrats Shaun. It’s weeks like these you sure wonder where he and Edge will end up next year.