Clinton Portis (113 Yd, 3 TD) – Clinton Portis is a Hungry Man. Hungry for some touchdowns. And what team provides the perfect recipe for solving a TD drought right now? How about the 49ers, who are fast tracking to earn back-to-back number 1 overall draft picks. [Aside: The Texans will have something to say about that. Interesting enough they do play each other in week 17. Do you think Reggie Bush and Matt Leinhart will be watching that one?] By the way Clinton, loved the cart wheels! I must admit I’ve never done cart wheels at my job.

LaMont Jordan (162 Yd, 3 TD) – This is what we like to see. A guy asks to shoulder the load, the team, with their season slipping away and top offensive weapon unable to get out of first gear, lets him shoulder the load, and he delivers... big time! Unfortunately I pulled out the completely irrational, highly controversial “he’s playing against my favorite team so I don’t want him to do well” start/bench strategy, sitting Jordan down in place of Brian Westbrook. Fortunately, it didn’t cost me the win, just a couple more notches upward on the stress-o-meter, which is par for the course ‘round here.

Mark Brunell (252 Yd, 3 TD) - You know what I like about this pick, is that normally when Team A blows out Team B, then Team A’s RB probably went crazy, but Team A’s QB throws hardly any passes and ends up with pedestrian fantasy output even though he is playing against a bad defense. Not so in this case. Brunell did only throw 20 pass attempts. He did only have 13 pass completions. But... wow! Over 250 yards and 3 TD as Brunell continues his push for Comeback Player of the Year. He’s got my vote. Brunell has thrown for over 250 yards in 4 of his 5 starts (226 in the other) and 2 or more TD in every one of his starts. No wonder we haven’t heard many over the hill Joe Gibbs jokes lately.

Groin Mail

I received some more mail last week in support of fathers everywhere trying to keep the kids in line so we can manage our fantasy football teams, and maybe even watch a game or two, if we’re lucky. Here is a great one from Brian:

Hey Mike, Here is a tip a number of the Dads in my league have come up with: We get together to watch the games, follow our teams and watch our kids... ala Daddy Day Care. This accomplishes a couple of things:

1. Strength in numbers... We're able to play a pretty strong zone on the kids and still keep up on what's going on with our games.

2. Good opportunity for in-game and family taunting: "I can't believe you took Holmes ahead of Alexander... oh, yeah... and your kid crapped his pants."

3. The wives leave the house during this and go shopping, making us look like heroes (hopefully adding "action" to the post-game festivities).

Love the website... keep up the good work.

- Brian

Great idea Brian! Hmm... are you more or less enthusiastic for the post-game “action” after a big fantasy win or loss that day? For anyone out there who did not answer, “I’m just as enthusiastic either way,” then it might be time to re-evaluate the priorities.

I have a 5 year old, two 3 year olds, and a newborn. Luckily, my wife is super understanding and gives me Sunday as my one day of a break. Needless to say, I’m working hard in the morning so that I can watch the games during the day, but I’ll take that tradeoff. Occasionally, I’ll give up the Sunday night game and just catch bits and pieces of it with her. So, the trick is having a wife that can tolerate the craziness of a football fanatic.

- Travis

Oh believe me Travis, considering how much time I spend working on this “hobby”, my wife fits the bill for understanding. With 4 kids under 6 though, it sounds like you are also a proponent of Brian’s post-game “action” ritual. Maybe the wife gives you a day of football to slow down on the kid producing, but hey, whatever works...

Honestly, these are the 5 WR I drafted:

1. Javon Walker
2. Darrell Jackson
3. Michael Clayton
4. Derrick Mason
5. Charles Rodgers

I'm dying!

- Bruce

Have more sex, Bruce. That’s all I can suggest at this point.

Comments From The Couch

• After a couple sub-par games by Larry Johnson is appears the committee approach is back in full force in Kansas City. That's just dandy.
  
  
• If it wasn't for fantasy football, no one in the entire country would have sat up and taken notice of Sage Rosenfels' 77 yard TD pass to Chris Chambers with under 3:00 minutes in the ball game.
  
  
• Call me crazy, but I think Ricky Williams came back for the money instead of love of the game.
  
  
• Props to the Cleveland Browns fan who brought out the sign: "Thanks Detroit for taking our trash", referring to former Brown and new Lion starting QB Jeff Garcia. Then the Browns current QB Trent Dilfer throws for less than 100 yards, 3 INTs, all the entire offense can muster is a FG, and Garcia working without the team's top 3 WR (although this is debatable) and coming off a broken leg scrambles to score a TD in the game. Back to that particular fan... you loser.
  
  
• If it is any consolation to Mike Martz, I've tried to call in offensive plays from my living room to lots of different teams in the past and been rejected every time.
  
  
• I should have known Dallas Clark was due for a TD - his first this season - this week after I unceremoniously dumped him onto the waiver wire last Thursday. Works every time. Don't even get me started about CB Sheldon Brown who got the heave-ho after week 3 only to score a TD in back-to-back games and recovered a crucial fumble off Reche Caldwell to seal the win over the Chargers this week.
  
  
• Which brings me to the Chargers... oh, man, what a disaster. Last year in the playoffs Nate Kaeding missed a 40-yard game winning FG try in overtime. This one this week, up by 4 points and a 40-yard FG attempt blocked and returned for an Eagles TD with less than 3:00 minutes remaining, was in fact Kaeding's first miss since the playoff gaffe. I didn't know kickers used the philosophy, "if you're going to miss, miss big".
  
  
• There were some really clutch kickers this week. The anti-Kaedings if you will. Detroit's Jason Hanson from 50-yards for the win. Seattle's Josh Brown from 50 for the win. And last but certainly not least, Minnesota's Paul Edinger's from 56 for the win to end the game! How will the Vikings celebrate that one?!? Ah, maybe just a quiet night at home...
  
  
• Remember Drew Bledsoe's criticism of Keyshawn Johnson for a late but ultimately meaningless fumble against the Eagles because the Cowboys had the game in hand a couple weeks back? Bledsoe's message was something to the effect, "we can't have those mistakes." Very true, Drew. Very true. Nice pass right to Justin Babineaux by the way. Did the funny colored Seattle jerseys camouflage him amongst the field turf?
  
  
• For those that didn't see it, just take my word that the Rams defensive TD was a joke.
  
  
• For the love of all that is holy, I know David Carr spent his custom 5 times on his ass against the Colts, but how in a game the Texans ultimately lose by 18 does the QB throw only 9 pass attempts, 6 completions for 48 yards?
  
  
• The Steelers only had 2 different receivers catch passes, yet 4 different players run for positive yardage. That is a bit odd.
  
  
• There were some truly horrible QB performances this week, as 10 starters didn't even crack 150 yards passing. The distinction of good to bad QBs though - Ben Roethlisberger and Michael Vick - is that they still manage to score 2 TDs and win the game. Josh McCown was the only other to grab a win thanks mostly to a defensive TD.
  
  
• Nice, nice clutch effort by Eli Manning and the Giants in their come from behind miracle win. That is back-to-back weeks no one has covered Jeremy Shockey in the waning minutes of the ball game. You'd think someone would pick up on that.
  
  
• Is Mike Anderson the main guy for Denver? Is Tatum Bell? Your best bet is to start either one against a bad defense and look for a good reason not to start either one against a good defense. And overriding all that is, trade them if you can. It will save you the headache in the long run.
  
  
• Do the Patriots lead charmed lives, or are the Bills, Dolphins and Jets just idiots? I'd say a little from column A and a little from column B. The Patriots do absolutely nothing this week (bye week), and come out of it all alone in 1st place in the AFC East. Nicely done boys. Nicely done.

And The Winner Is…

How is it there is a team in one of my leagues with Steven Jackson and Clinton Portis as his top runners, and his record is 1-5? Better question: Why am I playing him this week of all weeks? I outscored that team every week for the first 6 weeks, but needless to say, he is now 2-5. All good choices again this week. Actually, Tomlinson could have got some recognition this week for far underachieving expectations. We didn’t even touch on that. Let’s go with Portis. Unfortunately (or fortunately) they don’t play the 49ers again so whose to say if we will see any more cart wheels in the near future from him.