Groin Shot of the Week Candidates
Priest Holmes. Yes, you led the NFL in rushing last season and yes, you're a first round fantasy pick, but 4 bleeping touchdowns? No one should have to compete against that.

Travis Henry. Sure, sure, the Bills offensive line will take time to gel. The Jets are going to be much improved against the run this season. Drew Bledsoe will have tons of weapons to utilize in the passing game. What is this the freaking Travis Henry show? Three touchdowns and near 150 yards for the guy? People were high on him but this is a little ridiculous.

Charlie Garner. Garner had only 3 touchdowns the entire season in 2001, but he somehow managed to find the end zone twice Sunday to go along with over 170 yards. Seattle, get a defense. You disgust me.

Marty Booker. Were the Bears not kings of the 3 yard swing pass last season? What the heck is Marty Booker doing catching 8 passes for a gaudy 198 yards and a touchdown? It's amazing he didn't find the end zone more covering all of that real estate.

Have Helmet Will Travel
There really should just be a general "no throwing anything" (footballs excepted) rule at Cleveland Stadium. Remember the beer bottles debacle a year ago? Now Dwayne Rudd, thinking the game is over with a win sealed against the Chiefs, throws his helmet in celebration and gets penalized to set up Morten Andersen's game winning field goal with no time left. In the blink of an eye, Rudd just found his way onto the list of all-time sports gaffes. Certainly he falls below Bill Buckner status, but this is right in league with Phil Luckett.

Quick Hits

• For those keeping track of the Randy Ratio, Moss only had 6 catches Sunday so look for 10 next week to pick up the average. I must be playing against him in week 2.

• Is Jeremy Shockey in the Hall of Fame yet? The way the commentators were gushing over him Thursday night a casual observer would swear he was. Yeah, the kid looks great, but how about we let him at least play a little first?

• Allowing one kickoff return for a TD is somewhat excusable. These things happen. To allow two in the same game, including the game winning points in overtime is just sad. Between the Bills, Browns and Bucs Sunday, they could teach an advanced course on stupidest ways to lose a football game.

• Mike Martz is a great offensive tactician, but when it comes to being a head coach, "bonehead" is as good a description as any. He just doesn't learn from his mistakes either which is all the more mind boggling.

• Quincy Carter. Ouch. Sure the Texans were pumped, but that performance was the definition of ugly.

• I hope the Bengals watched the Texans play Sunday night and felt shame for the uninspired play they showed in their home opener. Ticket holders should be demanding a refund for that rubbish.

And The Winner Is...
Groin Shot of the Week award is given to the player considered to most exceed expectations and produce at a level that causes the greatest anguish and frustration to fantasy players. Travis Henry made a strong case for himself but the week 1 award goes to Charlie Garner. I was "fortunate" to only play against Henry in one league whereas Garner took me down in two. Anguish and frustration? Oh yes, I feel the pain. An 0-3 start in 3 money leagues thanks to these jokers is not the way I expected to kick off the season.

:: comments to mike macgregor