Week 15
12/16/02
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| Did you take
one in the groin on the fantasy gridiron? Have some
humorous quips about the NFL? Send me your best Groin
Shots and Couch Comments Sunday night or early Monday
each week and I'll add them to this column. This will
really help me out as the holidays are fast approaching.
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Groin Shot of the Week Candidates
Drew Bledsoe
I was dealt a serious blow a few weeks ago when I decided to bench
Bledsoe against Miami. After a few mediocre games in a row, and
playing in lousy weather against a great defense, it seemed like
a good decision. Then he goes and puts up 300+ yards and 4 TD.
Lesson learned, right? Never again bench the stud QB. Sunday Bledsoe
puts up what would be a bad day passing for most high school
quarterbacks, resulting in a loss by a single point. Argh!!!
That's okay though, because in my other league my team was in the first round of the playoffs and I was doing really well through the early games. The other guy just had Clinton Portis and Torry Holt left...
[Contributed by Kevin Wadsworth, a bitter,
angry man today] Shaun Alexander
I so got kicked
in the groin Sunday. Once while standing, and then again repeatedly
while I was on the ground. My opponent had all of his players
playing in the early games Sunday. He even started James Stewart
who did not play so I figured I was all set. So, towards the end
of the early games, I added up our scores to see where we were
at and I was up by a few points. Then
Shaun Alexander happened. Seattle and Atlanta went into overtime.
Alexander had already done enough damage for the day, so fortunately
Atlanta had the ball and was driving towards the winning score.
Then the unbelievable happens. That &$@#%*! Jay Feely misses the
FG [Mike: only a 36 yard semi-chip shot FG by the way] paving
the way for Alexander to rack up 30 or so additional yards and
a TD. Forgotten man Tony Gonzalez did not get it done for me in
the late games, and now I'm sitting on the sidelines, wreathing
in pain.
[Contributed by Oscar Kuss, who no doubt
is also a little bitter] Clinton Portis
No question about
it. Four touchdowns in one game, from a rookie no less. It felt
like I received an extra good mule kick in the groin as I turned
down a trade involving Portis back in week 6. I think the icing
on the cake was the 66 yard screen pass where the Chiefs defenders
not once or twice, but three times pulled out the red cape (must
of had a home jersey laying around) and gave Clinton the patented
Olé move.
[Contributed by James Robbins, Minnetonka,
MN]
[Mike: Kind of ironic this happened in a game involving Priest Holmes, who we've come to expect this kind of thing from, and he is held scoreless on the day. And, wouldn't you just know Mike Shanahan would be the one to have such a hand in our fantasy fate at such a crucial time of year?]
Comments From The Couch
Some great honorable mentions this week as well. Travis Henry anyone? If someone had told the Chargers that they were going to hold Bledsoe to 105 yards passing, they would have left half the team back on the west coast and still penciled in a win. It was all Henry with 144 yards, 2 TD and a significant blow to the Chargers playoff hopes.
In a day where the all-stud quartet of Bledsoe, Jeff Garcia, Brett Favre and Rich Gannon all underperformed from their earlier season brilliance, who entrusted their playoffs to (or more importantly faced off against) Daunte Culpepper Sunday? In this his season of discontent, Culpepper showed why everyone was so excited about him B.M.V. (before Mike Vick). He ran and passed for a pair of scores while becoming only the fourth QB in history to pass for 300+ yards and run for 70+ yards. And I sure hope that bobbled and recovered 2 point conversion didn't make or break your season.
Got a few emails last week saying, hey, why wasn't Steve Smith one of the groin candidates? He screwed me over big time with his 144 yards receiving and 3 TD. Well, honestly, I didn't think too many people were starting him at that point. So, who gets the unsung screwed us over award this week? Let's see here. Scored 3 TD, posted 175 combined yards, and did most of this damage late, late Sunday when I hope not too many of you unfortunate souls facing him were already counting your chickens. Of course I'm talking about waiver wire nobody turned playoff star, Marcel Shipp! Think Thomas Jones will get another shot next year?
What was up with those ugly uniforms the Saints were wearing yesterday? Every time I turned to their game, I got kind of nauseous. [Mike: Actually I thought there was something wrong with my buddy's TV. It wasn't throw-back. Should just be throw-away.]
I have never seen Terrell Owens drop so many passes in a game. I know he was questionable for the game with a groin injury, but in all my life I have never seen a groin catch a pass. [Mike: We can only imagine how much he would have gotten into his cheerleader bit without the injury.]
Did anyone notice in the post-game interview with Jason Taylor that he referred to keeping Dan Marino's passing record safe? The Miami D might have done just that holding Rich Gannon to only 205 yards in their 23-17 win. Gannon now needs 676 yards in his last two games to get the record. [Mike: Show me one fantasy football prognosticator that downgraded Gannon for that reason and then we'll really have someone thinking outside the box.]
What a difference a week makes. The Jets were flying high after a win over the Broncos and the Bears looked absolutely horrible on Monday night against the Dolphins. The Jets should have an easy game against the Bears, right? Wrong. The Jets cruised into Champaign only to lose to the M*A*S*H unit that is the Bears. [Mike: Really a shameful result by the Jets. If you can't beat a team led by Chris Chandler (at this stage of his career) and Leon Johnson behind that line, you are not even close to deserving a playoff berth.]
Cleveland continues to lose at home, this time to the Colts marking the 5th time they have lost at home this year. Whatever happened to home field advantage and the infamous Dawg Pound? Perhaps the Browns need a setup like the Bears to win more games. [Mike: Or realize single coverage against Marvin Harrison (I actually think it was no coverage on his second TD) is not their best option on defense.]
I can't believe it. I just heard the news that he is out for the year. This is absolutely devastating to the Chiefs offense. Damn, that Tony Richardson. He couldn't hold out for one more week for me… Ha ha. Isn't humor really the best medicine? Oh, and that Priest Holmes guy seems to have been hurt a little too, while on his way to a 60 yard TD run to boot. Yeah, that's going to sting if the biggest fantasy player of the year misses for most leagues the biggest fantasy week of the year. Great googly moogly…
Nice to see a team like the Lions not mail it in against the high powered Bucs, even after losing their starting QB early. I can't help but imagine a situation though where Marty Mornhinweg is down by 1 point with 00:05 seconds left, calls for the 2-point conversion and the QB fumbles it, which somehow did work out for Mike Tice and the Vikes. Really not a bad parallel between the "defer the ball" call in OT. Just goes to show the difference between genius and goat can be a very fine line.
Speaking of mailing it in or not mailing it in, how 'bout them Cowboys? They may not want Emmitt Smith back next season, but really, does Emmitt even want to stay at this point?
I believe it was Dan Marino who called the Jags-Bengals game the "who cares game of the week". Pretty good sign Dan doesn't play fantasy football right there. I certainly care Chad Johnson got those 90 yards for me and I'm sure there are a lot of Jimmy Smith, Jon Kitna and Fred Taylor owners with the same sentiments.
NFC playoff picture is getting more into focus, although those pesky Giants could certainly throw a wrench into things. The AFC playoff picture defines the phrase, "dog's breakfast".
[Many thanks to Stuart Carter of Timonium,
MD for contributing much of this section.]
FF In The Groin Mailbag
[Mike: Already had most
of the article written when this one came across my email. It
was a great example of what we're all about here so thought
I'd fire it in as well.]
This week in my league, I experienced the ultimate kick in the groin. My team was an astounding 12-1 this year with Priest Holmes leading the way for me each week. My team goes into this first playoff week riding a very hot streak. Brad Johnson with 15 TD over the last couple of weeks, Priest Holmes, Michael Bennett running strong, Donald Driver having a career year, Jerry Rice ditto (Mike: well, maybe not career year, but I know what you mean), Jeremy Shockey coming on strong, Martin Gramatica, and the Jets D playing woeful Chicago.
My opposition decided to play inconsistent Daunte Culpepper instead of steady Chad Pennington, which I thought was going to be good for me, Ricky Williams and Marcel Shipp, and John Carney as his kicker. Basically, that was all he needed this week.
Groin Shots: Culpepper was the first shot. Brad Johnson and Priest Holmes with no TD - second major kick, game over. I've already lost. Then Marcel Shipp piles on 3 TD - major kick…and kick again…and again. A 12-1 season goes down the drain. The championship is out of reach. That's one last kick and spit on me while I'm down.
[Contributed by John Booth]
And The Winner Is…
I guess I have already given
it away at the top. So, just how many broken ankles did the
Chiefs suffer yesterday trying to tackle this guy? Is there
something with these Kansas City yokels that they have to allow
a Broncos player to have a career day when they play each other?
Remember Shannon Sharpe was our winner way back in week 7 against
this same defense. Hmm…it just occurred to me that former-Broncos
defensive co-ordinator is now with the Chiefs. Guess Shanahan
picked up more of Greg Robinson's weaknesses than the other
way around.
Note to self: Draft Ashley Lelie next season just for the games against the Chiefs. For any of you who played against Clinton Portis this week, thinking about next season just might be all that you can do right now.
Thanks to everyone for their contributions this week!
:: comments to mike
macgregor
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