Groin Shot of the Week Candidates

Shannon Sharpe. Not a single TD in 13 games and then Sharpe sets a Broncos franchise record with 214 yards and 2 TD. Have the Chiefs never heard the phrase, "impede his progress"? I swear I heard someone yell "Olé!" every time Sharpe broke off the line.

Marshall Faulk. It's not like we didn't at the start of the season expect a 4 TD game from Faulk, but given the Rams slow start Faulk has likely changed hands in a lot of leagues. It happened in 2 of my leagues this past week. It's the kind of thing where you just shake your head and wonder, why didn't the team that traded him return my calls?

Priest Holmes. Another day at the office for Holmes? Yes, but this time against a team that was allowing only 62 yards per game on the ground. Throw any strength of schedule analysis right out the window when it comes to this guy. He is the man.

Comments From The Couch

• There were really tons of great Groin Shot candidates this week. Honorable mention to LaDainian Tomlinson, Ahman Green, James Stewart, Fred Taylor, Deuce McAllister, Travis Henry, Garrison Hearst, Koren Robinson, Joe Horn and Corey Bradford. Drop the last three, add TJ Duckett, Curtis Martin and Anthony Thomas, and it was Stud RB Theory to the max this weekend, with Edgerrin James and Jerome Bettis still to go.

• As always, there were still a few disappointing Groin Shot candidates. Among others, I've got an APB out for Darrell Jackson. Darrell, where are you?

• Was the media tempting fate just a little too much reporting Brett Favre's ironman status at the QB position? In case you missed it, ESPN did a pre-game show spoof piece on Favre's backups never getting a chance to play. Heh heh. Yeah, pretty funny.

• While the Cardinals missed 3 FG Sunday, the Cowboys were a little more creative with their mistakes which included a missed FG, a missed XP and 4 INT, including 2 INT in the end zone. This one really deserved to end in a tie.

• If you own Keyshawn Johnson in a TD only scoring league, see if you can make a pitch to drop him and replace him with Derrick Brooks.

• Having missed the pre-game note about the Cleveland Browns wearing all orange, throwback uniforms honoring their 1950 team, I was constantly adjusting the color on my TV set every time I turned to that channel.

• Post-game quotes from Dolphins QB Ray Lucas: "I have no excuse. It was terrible. I mean just awful. I let everyone down. That pass was horrible. It wasn't a little bit high. It wasn't a little bit overthrown. It was way high. It was way overthrown. It was (expletive). I'm upset." Yeah, well, not much I can add to that. A pretty good recap really.

• In a related note, received a little Groin Shot on the defensive side of the ball this week. I had been holding out hope for weeks that CB Nate Clements would do something for me, but without a single INT and pitiful tackle numbers, I finally gave up on him. Next thing I know he's getting a game ball from Chris Berman on Primetime. Thanks Ray.

• Mike Holmgren is off to his worst start as an NFL head coach ever. Good thing he got himself the GM job too to provide a little job security. Do you think the fanfare of Holmgren leaving town will rival that of the fanfare when he came to town with his, what was it, a 3 year plan? A 4 year plan? I've lost track.

• It wasn't a good week for those of us still waiting for Kevan Barlow to take over for Garrison Hearst. Barlow's most notable plays were a crucial 4th quarter fumble deep in 49er territory and not running out of bounds before the clock expired.

• All hail rookie TE Matt Murphy in Detroit this week. What is that saying? Even the sun shines on a Lion's ass every now and then.

And The Winner Is...

Given so many RB put up big points this week, the official award goes to Shannon Sharpe. What is the TE position really? An afterthought most of the time? A position that scores maybe 6 points per week and should rarely make a difference in the game. This week Sharpe probably outscored the entire 3 WR set on a lot of fantasy teams.

Now, I say the official award goes to Sharpe, but really, if you played against any 3 or more of the top candidates and honorable mentions, my advice for this week is to take 2 Aspirin and don't even think about fantasy football until at least Thursday. Someone please hold my email until Thursday.

:: comments to mike macgregor