As a tribute to my buddy, Mike MacGregor, whose favorite NFL team, the Buffalo Bills, committed the ultimate error by playing the Miami Dolphins in Toronto with the dome closed, I want to try my hand at picking the Groin Shots of the week. Instead of “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” 20/20 Hindsight brings you a special edition of playoff groin shots.

Pierre Thomas would be the star of the Saints-Falcons Game: With Drew Brees playing like an MVP, Reggie Bush back from injury, and Lance Moore one of the huge surprises of the year, few people would have thought reserve back, Pierre Thomas would post 197 total yards and two scores in a 29-25 victory. I really thought Reggie Bush’s rough outing against Tampa in week 13 would make him poised for a big day this week – which he did for 106 total yards and a score – but Thomas eclipsed the Subway pitchman despite a judge making Deuce McAllister eligible to play over the weekend.

Why it Hit Where It Hurts: When the coaching staff is cramming the game plan into your #2 RB at the last moment, maybe it’s ok to take a chance on the #3 RB who has been performing as the #2 RB for much of the season. On paper the Falcons secondary looks young and old in the wrong places, but they played a strong game this week. The Saints ran the ball to keep John Abraham at bay and the close nature of the game allowed them to continue handing the ball to their backs. When a game is close and both offenses are known to score at least 20 points per game, there are usually enough touches to go around. This should have been my response to the guy e-mailing me last week. Instead, I told him to bench Thomas.

With one half of football Tarvaris Jackson could give a swift kick to the fantasy prospects of the Vikings offense while rallying the Vikings to victory: Down 16-14 to the winless Lions and losing Gus Frerotte to a back injury, Jackson led the Vikings to a 20-16 victory with a drive culminating in a touchdown pass to his TE Shiancoe.

Why we’re still doubled-over in pain: Talk about an unexpected fantasy killer. If you were desperate for a QB and though Frerotte’s match up with the Lions would be a good risk, you got the equivalent of third degree burns this week. Frerotte’s best game of the year came in his first game versus the Lions, but now you were forced to watch Jackson take over before half time. This is even worse for Berrian owners, who had to watch the Vikings reserve signal caller run plays that cut off half the field to prevent egregious mistakes. Unless you had Jackson’s “sippy-cup” player, Visanthe Shiancoe, you were crying in your beer by the fourth quarter.

Then there were Adrian Peterson owners, who expected an otherworldly performance from their stud back. This was the day they anticipated more than any this year. But with Jackson as the QB, the Lions knew they could stack the line and force Jackson to beat them. Although Frerotte threw two picks, that’s nothing new to opposing defenses to see. They know Frerotte was capable of throwing three scores within minutes and they had to play the Vikings offense more honestly than they did with Jackson.

Domenik Hixon doing an imitation of Flipper Anderson and Jerry Rice in his rookie year: Did you see Hixon allow that bomb to bounce off his chest? You would have thought someone was throwing him a subpoena or Antonio Pierce was tossing him Plaxico Burress’ revolver with the sirens in sight. Maybe he couldn’t take the pressure of Burress grading his performance while at home with that Lo-jack bracelet on his ankle by the county po-po. He doesn’t have one? I guess when the only fool you are accused of shooting in the thigh is yourself, then you don’t need one.

Starting Chris Chambers is like talking within groin shot range of the Rockettes without a cup: If you benched Vincent Jackson against the Raiders then you need an education on the mixed blessing that Chris Chambers is as a fantasy commodity. We all know Jackson is out-producing Chambers this year, but the one-time Dolphin is still considered the better receiver by most opposing defenses. This is why it wasn’t difficult to guess that Raiders CB Nnamdi Asomugha would be dancing cheek to cheek with Chambers. But several hard-luck owners opted to bench Vincent Jackson this week. I can almost hear them wheezing just at the though of seeing him score on that 59-yard reception on Thursday night. Please remember that Chambers is good enough to see the best CB on a team, but not good enough to produce against them. He might be the greatest fantasy tease at the receiver position this decade. I might be more prone to believe scientists can prove Big Foot’s existence at this point.

Reggie Wayne owners are still walking bowlegged at this very moment: Five receptions for 48 yards against the Bengals? It leaves you wondering if Marvin Harrison didn’t kick Wayne in the locker room prior to taking the field. If he didn’t, Gijon Robinson from Missouri Western State probably screamed his name like he was a Shaolin Monk letting loose with a battle cry (GIIIIIIJJJJON!) as he planted a front kick to Wayne’s crown jewels. How else could this unknown out gain Wayne? I demand a recount.

Trent Edwards and Marshawn Lynch must share a ‘nad…or J.P. Losman gave them the “1-2” below the belt (nothing like a disgruntled teammate): It may be Buffalo, but it isn’t Turner Gil’s Buffalo: the Bills QB should not be out-gaining the starting runner on the ground. I couldn’t be more thankful my team with Lynch had a first-round bye, but this display has me feeling like one of those European football players standing on a human wall, facing down a penalty kick.

Two catches for 15 yards from of the Jets pair of starting receivers can leave you feeling crotchety: Especially when Brett Favre has 31 attempts against the 49ers. If you were smirking about this great match up coming into the game, you’re grimacing in pain right now.

If you faced Seneca Wallace, he may have given you Elephantitis with this statline: 20/28, 212 yards, 3 scores, and 47 yards rushing against the Patriots. The end of the year is always crazy, but this one takes the cake. Now you know how Kellen Winslow feels. And if you don’t, just know that Deion Branch’s 88 yards, and two scores was his best fantasy game of his career!

Being forced to start a Baltimore Raven or Washington Redskin is generally a self-inflicted wound: Unless you had Derrick Mason or started LeRon McClain out of desperation, using a player from one of these teams is like submitting a recording of you causing your own groin shot to Funniest Home Videos. Think about it, Clinton Portis was a game-time decision facing the best defense in the NFL. Jason Campbell? Fuggitabouit. Willis McGahee? Every other week he plays like he’s been kicked in the nuts. Joe Flacco? He’s good for a rookie, but not Matt Ryan good in terms of production.

The classic, threat of a groin shot: I have a first round bye in the SOFA Auction League. Here are some of my starters having games I wish could have happened this weekend:

Dolphins Defense – 19 points
Greg Olsen- 14.2 points
DeAngelo Williams – 22 points (well, now 32.2 with the last TD)
Antonio Bryant – 41 points (as of the two-minute warning) and possibly counting.

Of course, Lynch, Portis, and Brees weren’t all that great so I’m hoping they’re saving it for week 15. I know, how rational of me, but 149 points should never be wasted on you.

The classic, delayed effects of a groin shot: The one team I had that I didn’t make the playoffs was in the FFToday Staff League. Last night I was watching DeAngelo Williams – my 1st team All-Gut Check Preseason Sleeper – and remembered I traded him away for Eddie Royal. Hindsight is 20/20 and with that in mind, I should have traded Frank Gore a higher quality player – say, Anquan Boldin. Williams was the #8 RB going into tonight, Royal was the #17 WR after Sunday. T.J. Thomas my friend, I’d say you got the better end of the deal, but you traded him away to Mark Shutters. Actually, I guess you did get the better end of the deal. He passed me for the final playoff spot in my division with the trio of Williams, Thomas Jones, and Anquan Boldin that he acquired from you for LT, Sproles, and Donald Driver…hmm, strike that – you earned the groin shot of the year award for that deal on September 27. My condolences, with Kurt Warner and Lance Moore, those three players would have you in great shape.

Nagging Feelings—Week 15

Drew Brees didn’t have the greatest statistical effort, but he’s a great quarterback now. Think about his receivers. Marques Colston is a seventh round pick. Lance Moore is an undrafted free agent cut by the Browns after his first camp. Devery Henderson was a high round pick, but he has panned out more to the expectation of a seventh round pick. Robert Meachem was a first round pick still fighting his way off the bench. Mark Clayton and Mark Duper weren’t big-time prospects when they were paired with Dan Marino. Steve Watson, Mark Jackson, Vance Johnson, Ed McCaffrey, and Rod Smith weren’t big-time prospects with John Elway. And think about Robert Brooks, Antonio Freeman, and Donald Driver with Brett Favre. Drew Brees, like Marino, Elway, and Favre is elevating the level of play around him.

Say what you want about Jay Cutler’s up and down performances, but don’t be too quick to judge him harshly because you don’t like what he said about having a stronger arm than John Elway. My younger brother, who graduated with a math degree, and comes from a long line of family conversant in higher end mathematics you’d see from Will Hunting (I didn’t swim with this gene pool), explained to me that he calculated Cutler’s arm strength against Elway’s and found that Cutler was actually correct. I’ll try to get the low-down in the next few weeks and publish it for those of you wanting proof.

I like the powder blue jerseys of the San Diego Chargers, but I’m afraid Chris Berman’s demise at ESPN could come if someone opens the supply closet at an inopportune time while he’s “enjoying” them.

Did you hear Steve Young say he thought Steve Smith was the best receiver in the NFL and if he had a player like Smith with the 49ers, that receiver would catch 140 passes in a season? This is likely hyperbole, but I’d sure like to see Smith paired with a QB of Young’s caliber.

Can I saw I told you so about Jonathan Stewart, now? Did you see him manhandle Ronde Barber? I know Darren McFadden has been hurt, so it’s not fair to compare at this point. Still, I think we can conclude that Stewart is for real.