A Merry Christmas to Mike MacGregor for his championship in the Dirty Dozen Showcase League. What did you get for the holidays? Among my gifts were two titles and few regrets. Not a bad way to end the year. For those of you hoping for commiseration, I have some past horror stories I’m sure will rank with yours on the misery scale.

“The Chris Warren for a Championship Deal”
Years ago in my local league (that has two former fantasy football website contributors), I was sporting a 3-2 record with a backfield that included Chris Warren. The one-time Seattle Seahawk was actually pretty good back in his prime:

He wanted to make a deal for Chris Warren and offered me a starting receiver (whom I don’t remember) and a rookie back that was seeing occasional time as a change of pace back in an pretty explosive offense that already had a high first-round pick as the starter. I turned Bill down flat. Big mistake. Warren’s opportunities continue to decrease and I have to resort to starting William Floyd or Mike Alstott—yep, that bad—since Warren’s trade value was in the dumpster.

By week 10, the back Bill offered me gets the start after the first string guy goes down with yet another season-ending injury and this rookie looks like Jim Brown’s son. In fact, he reels off enough impressive games to break one of Brown’s rookie records. Worse yet, he does it during the fantasy playoffs. Does 39 attempts for 246 yards and 4 scores ring a bell? If not, then you weren’t playing fantasy football when Bengal rookie Corey Dillon pasted the Oilers/Titans in the snow. While I made the playoffs, my team left in the first round with a whimper. Bill’s squad ripped through everyone after a 0-5 start and won the championship. In hindsight, I’d take a championship for Chris Warren any day.

“Whizzinating My Championship Hopes Down the Toilet”
My local dynasty league also includes some of these same characters. And Bill is about to win that one too (come to think of it Bill, you do need to fund our trip—and I don’t want to hear the excuse about being a father of two kids…tell your wife to get her doctorate if the MBA isn’t doing the trick)—good year for Bill Billy, this will be his first title in this league. Unbelievable. I win two “expert league” titles and he makes all the money. I’m playing well in the wrong leagues!!!

Anyway, a few years ago I’m one week away from winning this league. I’m ahead of my competition in second place by one half of a power point. This was not a head to head league but to make the explanation of the situation simple, I needed to win my match up or outscore the second place guy by a certain amount of points to win the league. I had to choose between two players as my second RB: Tampa’s Thomas Jones and Minny’s Onterrio Smith. Jones had emerged as Gruden’s bell-cow back towards the end of the season and I was riding the Jones express with good results. Smith was an iffy play due to the backfield rotation in place, but the media was reporting the strong possibility Smith would earn more carries against a porous KC defense.

I decided to go with Smith because I had watched Smith in college, felt positive about what I saw in him thus far in the NFL, and believed he’d bet an opportunity to shine against the Chiefs. But I doubted my decision at last minute and made the switch to Jones. While Jones had a decent day, Smith blew up for 146 yards and 3 scores! If I made this move, I win the championship. Instead I lose it by half of a power point.

“Four Tries at the Goal Line”
I’m sure more than a few of you wish you never had what I’m about to tell you happen to your team. If it did, I’m right here with you. In 1997, I had a decent draft in the aforementioned local league. It’s a deep draft—20-25 players depending on the year. We’ve cut back to the lower end of the range, but back then it was very deep. Towards the end of the draft, I selected an un-drafted rookie that was making some noise in camp and looked like he’d actually make the squad’s roster. Everyone said, “who?” when I made this pick, but I was just beginning to make a reputation for picking players like this—in contrast, I selected Greg Jennings in round 18 this year and no one batted an eye.

But to be more accurate, this pick was more like selecting Marques Colston. It turns out I needed this runner and around mid-season he actually earned a start and looked good. Good enough to keep playing and lifting my fantasy squad out of a losing streak and into the playoffs. The player with the last name the matched his college was none other than the Panthers’ Fred Lane.

When I get to the playoffs, my team is down going into Sunday night. My opponent’s team is through, but I have Dolphins receiver O.J. McDuffie on Sunday night and Lane on Monday night. I believe I was down by more than 30 points, but McDuffie has a good enough night for Lane to need 120 yards and a touchdown against the Cowboys for me to win and advance.

I decide to watch this game at a local bar and Lane is doing little to disappoint. By the fourth quarter, he’s broken the 100-yard mark and I’m imagining a very possible championship appearance and at least some runner up prize money. As the game gets under 4 minutes, Carolina is riding Lane down the field and he’s at the 120-yard mark as he takes the ball from the Dallas 10-yard line to the one. At this point I’m talking to the television screen—well really, I’m moving my lips but nothing is coming out. Further down the bar is a guy that’s yelling at the screen because he needs his tight end to score for him to win a hundred bucks. Little does this sucker know if Lane scores I win at least 4 times that amount and get the chance for about 8 times his paltry sum.

So the Panthers have a first and ten at the one-yard line and I’m praying they don’t use the play action pass. My prayer is answered, but my hopes aren’t fulfilled—Lane gets the ball, but doesn’t reach paydirt. Second down and I’m still thinking there’s a good chance for Lane to get another attempt. I could have known Lane got another shot without success just by listening to the drunk, college student screaming expletives further down the bar.

Third down. If there’s a passing situation inside the one, this is the time. If you ever wanted to hear Wildman speak in tongues that was the moment. In fact, stick him in one of those rural south church services with the snakes and at that moment he would have fit right in with the congregation. Lane gets the ball and he’s…the line judge isn’t signaling touchdown. The drunk is practically bawling at this point. I’m wondering if I should join him, but I’m against him—screw this guy, if Lane gets in I’ll give him a c-note just to shut up!

Fourth down and there’s no way Lane is going to get the ball again, but I’ve worked myself into a frenzy of positive thinking. And unbelievably, Lane gets the ball! At that split second, I’m elated—I’m coming back from over 30 down because of a late round draft pick that was invited to the Panthers camp and is about to carry me to my championship game. It will be a story of the ages. Forget Bill and his Corey Dillon story, I’ll have him trumped with Fred Lane and huge comeback! But almost as incredible that Lane actually got four straight tries from the one-yard line was the fact he didn’t convert on any of them and I lose by five points. The crying coed is standing on his chair telling anyone that will listen how he just lost a hundred bucks. As I pass him, he looks at me and says, “Can you f$%*ing believe I lost that money because they gave that guy the ball 4 times?” I keep walking past him and as I get close to the exit he’s shouts, “C’mon man have a heart, can you believe it?” So I turn to face him and say, “One hundred? I would have had a chance 8 times that amount if that guy could have scored on any of those four attempts!” That shut him up…

So that was the bad. Here’s the good—the box scores for my two championship teams:

Fantasy Auctioneer Experts Invitational

Fantasy Guru’s owner, Scott Pianowski is a heck of a writer and fantasy football owner. Scott won the championship in 2004 and he’s been my finals opponent both last year and this year. The fact he’s made the championship for 3 straight years says enough. Scott made some excellent lineup choices for the final week—a difficult time to go with normal starters—his pick up for Tony Scheffler, Ronald, Curry, and the Chiefs defense were excellent calls. I opted to stick with most of my starters with the near fatal exception of taking a chance on Tim Rattay over Steve McNair, which cost me 14 points! If LT got his normal, 2-score day my victory would have been by the closest of margins. McNair could have put the game away even if LT had a bigger day. Fortunately, I did pick Clayton over Santonio Holmes and I got a gift from Maurice Jones Drew—well more accurately from Pats linebacker Tully Banta-Cain. This is the first title I’ve ever successfully defended the following year, so it’s a championship I’ll savor.

SOFA Auction Fantasy League

Rotoworld had the top-scoring team during the regular season and was a formidable opponent. He clearly did a great job drafting and managing his team through the regular season and playoffs. Although he chose to start Parker over Dayne, it only would have made the contest closer. At the same time, that would have made my choice of Vince Young over Chad Pennington much more important. This 11-point swing is something I should thank Doug Orth for his Inside The Matchup column. Doug laid out why Young would have the potential for a similar day as David Garrard’s performance against Buffalo despite the Bills strong pass defense.

As for the FFTOC, I’ll be somewhere among the middle of the pack of finalists. A decent effort, but it was not enough to quality for any prizes.