Each week we will review the great, odd, poor, and weird happenings
of the past weeks football games. Yeah there will be a little fantasy
football info somewhere. I think.
Why am I missing the Jets/Dolphins match Sunday? The game that the
L.A. Times considers the game of the day is not on television in
the greater Los Angeles area because we get to see San Diego at
Oakland. That will build an audience for pro football in Los Angeles.
The Packers are missing something. It can't be Gilbert Brown but
they are very flat.
Speaking of Gilbert Brown, could he beat Antonio Freeman in a foot
race, we think so.
There are plenty of me-first athletes in sports but the best, or
worst, has to be the Memphis Grizzlies Jason Williams. He can't
shoot the ball but is averaging over five three-point attempts per
game.
Given time, Chris Chandler has always been a competent quarterback.
Wonder what the idiots in the Falcons stands think now. That is
if you can find anyone in the Falcons stands.
Those Kurt Warner Chunky Soup ads are downright frightening. In
one, his "mom" looks like Rebecca Lobo with a red wig.
Want nightmares think that one over.
How slow is Antonio Freeman? The Falcons are covering him with nickel
backs and linebacker Keith Brooking.
There may not be a stupider play all season than Brett Favre's last
minute interception that lost the game for the Packers. This includes
any plays by Ryan Leaf or Rob Johnson.
It was an improbable result the first time the new Browns beat the
old Browns - AKA the Ravens - but they did. Think they miss the
Jamal "don't bogart that joint" Lewis? Yep, and they miss
a pass rush and a good secondary.
No truth to the rumor that Eric Moulds and Peerless Price welcomed
Alex Van Pelt to the huddle with flowers and champagne? Van Pelt
threw 199 yards and a score to the Buffalo wideouts. Van Pelt should
expect to see a limousine at his door to ferry him back and forth
to practices.
Not to make Travis Henry owners nervous but Sammy Morris and Shawn
Bryson showed their faces Week 10. That is what happens when you
run for less than three yards a carry. Maybe the thought of reform
school girl flesh is hurting his concentration.
If anyone has seen Peter Warrick's talent, please notify Dick LeBeau
or the Cincinnati Bengals front office. We believe there may be
a reward.
He won't play the Bengals everyday but the last two weeks have shown
that Derrick Mason is alive and a decent play as a third wide receiver.
Nothing better for a fantasy owner than switching kickers from Wade
Richey - who has had a good year - to David Akers who has a great
game.
We don't want to wish bad news on anyone but Duce Staley owners
were happy to see Correll Buckhalter go insane in the membrane.
That tiny indiscretion and Staley's two 100-yard games have cemented
the depth chart in Philly.
Predictability is important in life. It is important to know that
your children are safe, your spouse will remain faithful, your employment
is stable, and that Ryan Leaf will complete fewer than 50-percent
of his passes and toss a couple picks.
Almost as good as seeing Mike Shanahan lose is to see Brian Billick's
dynasty crumble. If only Notre Dame had lost, we'd be in pigskin
heaven.
For those keeping track, Lamar Smith had his fourth consecutive
game with less than three yards-per-carry. However, Travis Minor
had his chance and couldn't swing more than nine yards on six walks.
Forget the fractured jaw, what affects Peyton Manning is not having
more than one weapon at his disposal. With all of New Orleans following
every move made by Marvin Harrison, it is no shock that the Colts
offense struggled. If you have Manning, it is time to take him down
a notch.
Welcome to the 2001 season Aaron Brooks, we were getting worried
you may not join us.
Nice to see Michael Westbrook play football, we don't know what
he has been doing the first nine weeks but he is back now.
Deuce McAllister owners have gotten little from their investment
but we have entered the Ricky Williams triangle. Williams was hurt
in the twelfth game his first season and the tenth game last season.
Next Sunday is Week 11. Hold all tickets.
The first sign that putting small wagers on the games is a little
riskier than you may have thought is Atlanta/Green Bay. The second
sign is Carolina/San Francisco.
If any good came from the Panthers/49ers tilt, it was Richard Huntley's
18 touch, 94-yard, touchdown game. Now, move his ass as soon as
humanly possible.
How did we know that J.J. Stokes would have a good game? We passed
on him in a trade. Better than Nostradamus, tea leaves, or fortune
cookies in predicting performance is my passing on a player in a
deal. The only good year James Jett had was the year I dissed him
when he was offered to me in a deal.
Ok, it doesn't always work that way as I passed on Jay Fiedler this
week and stayed with Jake Plummer.
We have ruminated over the gross amount of defensive scores this
year but to have five in the first seven games Sunday is damn silly.
The only reasoning that even scratches the surface to explain this
phenomena beside the usual rat-a-tat about it being random is that
defensive players are starting to think score when they get the
ball in the open field. With Vinny Testaverde as the only wall to
the Promised Land, we don't see why they all don't go for scores.
Maybe I'm having gin and tonic flashbacks but Brad Johnson looks
damn good to me. We are talking in a football sense, there Sluggo.
There is nothing more frightening, to a fantasy owner, than seeing
Jerome Bettis with eight rushing yards at the end of the third quarter.
For a team that has already lost Fred Taylor and Ricky Watters the
loss of Bettis would be the straw to break the camel's back. Relief
comes when we realize it is good defense and not injury that has
put a flat on "the Bus".
If you ever want to show a person foreign to the NFL one play that
would define the NFL, all you have to do is show the second and
goal play in the fourth quarter of the Raiders/Chargers game. The
hit Greg Biekert put on LaDainian Tomlinson was pure football.
Weren't you Pat Riley?
Sebastian Janikowski has decided it is better to squib kick the
ball than to chase Ronney Jenkins. Probably a smart decision.
Never again do we sit Hines Ward. He plays every week. As you can
imagine we aren't an All-Star team at receiver.
Think the Jaguars and Steelers felt it was important to crowd the
line and stuff the run. Before the late fourth quarter runs of Jerome
Bettis and Amos Zereoue, running backs for both teams had gained
36 yards on 37 carries.
Primoz Brezec, that's one of those acid-reflux medicines, right.
We have alerted our congressmen - first you have to pry the intern
off them, then get them dressed, and finally sober them up with
a combination of Red Bull and raw garlic - to ban the prevent defense.
From our statistics the prevent defense is more detrimental to society
than red meat, cigars, or top-shelf hooch.
We don't have the numbers in yet but we think Pat Summerall set
a record for miscues in the Chicago/Tampa Bay game.
The announcer of the Denver/Washington game uttered one of the funniest
lines all day when he said that Tony Banks was a key injury. The
Redskins didn't have a chance until that Bozo was knocked out of
the game. If Denver didn't do it, one of his teammates was bound
to.
Tampa fans can't complain as Dick Jauron did everything in his power
to lose the game but the Bears, despite the idiocy of the Head Coach,
prevailed.
Weren't you Brian Griese?
How valuable is Ed McCaffrey? Get that man a big raise.
The Jets/Dolphins game came in as the best game of the day but the
most entertaining was the Lions/Cardinals. An old-fashioned high
scoring shootout produced some of the best numbers of the day. Moreover,
the Lions lost keeping hope alive for a 0-16 season.
Mark Bond can be found,
most days, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn, eating hot sausage sandwiches
topped with BBQ chips, chili, and coleslaw, slapping back Cuervo
shooters, and rambling on about those warm evenings spent with Janet
Reno. He is not related to James Bond but has the same air of sophistication
of Sean Connery. Mark is currently annoying his workmates at Jackpot
Sports, home of the first daily fantasy baseball game, the Reggie
Jackson Fantasy Baseball Challenge, plus weekly and seasonal Fantasy
Football games.
