Each week we will review the great, odd, poor, and weird happenings
of the past weeks football games. Yeah there will be a little fantasy
football info somewhere. I think.
Political conspiracy theorists have the Zapruder film; NFL conspiracy
theorists have the Packers/Lions Thanksgiving Day film.
It is Sunday and I haven't read about Dave Campo's firing. Why is
that? His misplay of the two-point conversion was lunacy. He figured
his inept offensive unit would have a better chance at scoring a
touchdown and a field goal than a touchdown and two-two point conversions.
Even if they miss the first two-pointer they can kick the extra
point and get the field goal for a tie.
The Walter Payton rushing record is taking on more significance
watching Emmitt Smith's career deteriorate. We figured Emmitt was
even money to get the record but he has moved to 5:1 and the odds
lengthen with each succeeding week that he does nothing.
Players are fined about badmouthing the officials; will the NFL
smack John Madden with a fine for his waxing incessantly about the
officials calling the Packers/Lions? Whether they do or not, Madden
was absolutely correct that it was a horribly called game and the
only reason the Lions were able to stay in the game against the
superior Packers was by the helping hand of the zebras. Bring back
the scabs!
Turkey sandwiches, turkey hash, turkey soup, and pie for breakfast
the whole weekend are just some of the reasons that Thanksgiving
is the best holiday of the year.
If you are shocked by the Nebraska/Oklahoma demises this weekend,
think how the Tennessee Volunteers feel. With a win against Florida
they may have the No. 1 ranking in their hands.
Like movies that combine a great plot and great acting then go see
"Heist." If you are squeamish the "R" rating
is due to some violence and language.
Do they still play the "Skins" game? It seems that that
"Sports spectacle" has been lost in golf's great expansion
and landed in the "I wouldn't waste my time" pile.
Everyone owning the Packers defense was jobbed by the officials
on the field, and the ones in the booth, out of a score. How much
control did John Thierry have to show when he picked up the fumble
in the end zone? It was a bad call in a sea of bad calls. Ok, we'll
stop harping on the zebras.
No we haven't been drinking, but Kordell is becoming a threat as
a QB.
Can't get away from the Lions/Packers game but the end zone dance
of Scotty Anderson was - ahem - something less than masculine. Not
that there is anything wrong with that.
Was there any reason that Mike Holmgren didn't call for a replay
of the Tony Richardson score? It certainly wasn't obvious to these
eyes that Richardson had crossed the goal line.
In hell, there is a 24/7 loop of Stuart Scott talking football.
It replaces the 24/7 loop of Chris Berman calling baseball games
every Labor Day. That is why they call it hell.
Where is Bob Christian and what have you done with him?
James Stewart, nice to see you back on the field.
Maybe our Commander-in-Chief should send Kendrell Bell out after
Osama bin Laden. We think Bell would sniff Osama out and send him
repeatedly to the turf.
Of course, Eric Moulds goes off after we bench him.
The man is a Class A bozo - or at least his actions portray him
as such --, but Terrell Owens on one good leg is better than 90-percent
of all the receivers in the NFL. Randy Moss is a child in comparison.
Owens is lobster.
Dave Wannstedt incorrectly thought the famous Woody Hayes line was
"two yards and a cloud of dust."
Don't look now but it is Dick Vitale season. The only defense is
to scan your TV Guide and dodge all hints of college basketball.
During late February and the month of March, it is impossible to
avoid Vitale but at that point the sport overwhelms the white noise.
It is easy to separate the pretenders from the contenders in the
playoff hunt and if you can't stop the Alex Van Pelt/Travis Henry
led Bills from scoring an important touchdown in the fourth quarter,
you can't play with the big boys.
When your alternatives to Jon Kitna are Scott Mitchell and Akili
Smith it is like having closing time choices of Roseanne, Rosie
O'Donnell, and strychnine.
When your opponent has Tony Banks at QB and Stephen Davis in the
backfield, it is obvious that your opponent will run the football.
If you can't stop the run when you know it is coming, you can't
win important football games. The Eagles can't win important football
games.
Travis Minor had nine handles for 56 yards and Lamar Smith had 18
handles for 35 yards. Even Dave Wannstedt has to see that six yards
a touch is better than two yards a touch. Lamar Smith's only saving
grace is that we are talking about Dave Wannstedt, not George Halas.
How close was Jay Fiedler from the hook? We may never know but he
bought another week or two with the fourth quarter comeback.
Imagine the Bills surprise that their QB of the future was the pudgy
joke they keep on the roster because he has pictures of Ralph Wilson
in a compromising position.
Randy Cross had a funny line at the half of the morning games -
morning games are a West Coast thing. He said the Bengals should
fire Neil Rackers at halftime. In a little over a season and a half,
Rackers is 12-for-27 on field goal attempts between 30 and 49 yards.
We said this before but just to pile on more evidence take a look
at the time-of-possession numbers for Indy and San Fran. The Colts
had the ball almost twice as long as the 49ers but scored 19 fewer
points than the 49ers. Why? The game is about making plays. The
49ers had three offensive scores from 28 yards out or more and scored
on a pick. The Colts gave the ball up five times, as well.
Speaking of the 49ers/Colts, they also illustrate once again why
you don't select a kicker until your last round. Mike Vanderjagt
- a top pick at kicker - is 14-for-19 and has 69 points; Jose Cortez
- a free agent - is 15-for-18 and has 73 points.
Why do the Giants ever sub Ron Dayne for Tiki Barber? That would
be what I'd be asking Jim Fassell if I were a part of Giants management.
Unless the answer had to do with severe injury or sickness, I'd
fire his ass.
Shaun Alexander's job isn't at risk because he didn't run the ball
very well against one of the weakest defenses in the league but
why, in a close game, was he given the ball only 13 times on the
ground. Who is the better person to have the ball, Alexander or
Hasselbeck?
The Panthers and Falcons combined for 486 total yards. Great defense
or inept offense are the choices. With skill position players like
Chris Weinke, Shawn Jefferson, Richard Huntley, and Isaac Byrd gaining
some of the big yards we point to ineptitude.
The Falcons may not be the worst 6-4 team in NFL history but they
are darn close.
In three games before Week 11, LaDainian Tomlinson had eight receptions
for 55 yards. In three quarters against the Cardinals, he had 10
receptions for 52 yards. Terrell Fletcher was hurt but this may
keep Tomlinson in on passing downs as there is no reason to take
the best offensive player you have off the field if he can catch
the ball.
We mentioned this about Miami. We will mention this about New Orleans.
If you have to stop Tom Brady, Troy Brown, and Antowain Smith from
scoring twice and can't, there is no reason to consider you as a
contender.
The numbers may not quite show it but the New England offense beat
the snot out of the New Orleans defense.
If, for some reason, you have held onto Jeff Blake the wait may
not have been in vain, as Aaron Brooks' inability to complete a
pass is detrimental to the Saints offense.
We guess the Jim Fassell guarantee of winning the rest of the games
didn't hold as much water as his playoff guarantee last season.
Goodbye San Diego.
Shannon Sharpe made two great catches at the end of the Jags/Ravens
game to remind us what a great pass receiver he is. Of course, he
missed a block at the goal line that helped snuff a running attempt.
Nothing like looking forward to three hours - if there is mercy
in this world - of Dennis Miller giving Mike Martz and Marshall
Faulk repeated tongue baths.
Randy Moss is either a dog or the NFL has figured out his one-trick
pony act. Either way, he has to learn how to become a receiver before
he'll be scary again.
Hangover's Top-10
St. Louis Rams
Oakland Raiders
Pittsburgh Steelers
Green Bay Packers
New York Jets
Chicago Bears
San Francisco 49ers
Washington Redskins
New England Patriots
Cleveland Browns/Miami Dolphins
Mark Bond can be found,
most days, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn, eating hot sausage sandwiches
topped with BBQ chips, chili, and coleslaw, slapping back Cuervo
shooters, and rambling on about those warm evenings spent with Janet
Reno. He is not related to James Bond but has the same air of sophistication
of Sean Connery. Mark is currently annoying his workmates at Jackpot
Sports, home of the first daily fantasy baseball game, the Reggie
Jackson Fantasy Baseball Challenge, plus weekly and seasonal Fantasy
Football games.
