Each week we will review the great, odd, poor, and weird happenings
of the past weeks football games. Yeah there will be a little fantasy
football info somewhere. I think.
If you had to look for al-Qaida in the United States, wouldn't the
first place to look be in the stands at Raiders' game. Maybe that
is a little too obvious.
For those getting ready to watch the Winter Olympics - yeah, the
one where the devout people of Salt Lake City were bribing visiting
dignitaries - the American to watch is Apolo Ohno. No we aren't
making that up.
The funniest moment of the year may have been when Bill Overreactica
hyperextended his knee during one of those obnoxious celebrations.
We don't wish serious injury for anyone but a little twist of the
ankle to Martin would be a nice gift.
Hey Mike Riley, it is time to put in Drew Brees. Thought you might
like to know.
If you were wondering where Warren Sapp was, he was the player on
his ass watching Anthony Thomas run through the line.
Pat Summerall showed his usual depth of football knowledge by suggesting
that the Bears not take a penalty that gave them a first down. The
Bears ignored his sage advice, took the penalty and, on the next
play, scored a touchdown.
One of the great fallacies is that a running back gets stronger
as the game goes on. He doesn't get stronger the defense wears down.
He looks stronger and quicker. It falls in line with sliding to
first base gets you there quicker.
Someone tell Amani Toomer that catching the ball is what he gets
paid for not dropping it. Seems he has that part of the job description
mixed up.
Sometimes bad things happen to the right people. George O'Leary
lied not once but twice about his credentials. It cost him the plum
position of coaching the Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team.
O'Leary, a year earlier, punished a lineman who had missed a block
by having four teammates blindside him. The player lay on the field
for 15 minutes as the medical staff worked on him. If O'Leary never
coaches again, it will be okay with us. Of course, someone will
hire him; even the Devil would get hired if he could guarantee a
winning record and a bowl appearance.
When Evander Holyfield and John Ruiz are fighting for a piece of
the heavyweight crown, at Foxwoods, something is wrong with boxing
or the match.
The worst spot on the planet is the mall on a Sunday during Christmas
and football season. For those of you swimming against the tide
of humanity at Macys, Sears, and the thousands of food courts -
nothing like a good Orange Julius while the games are on - in America,
all we can say is ha-ha.
Every once in a while we hear the name the Atlanta Thrashers and
wonder how well box lacrosse does in the land of NASCAR.
The most overrated position in baseball is the closer. If you can't,
on a consistent basis, get three outs before the opposition scores
a run or two you don't deserve to play the sport at the major league
level.
Jason Giambi will only play three healthy seasons on his seven-year
contract.
Forget the NFL Thursday night games but count me in on a Saturday
game every week. Maybe a seven o'clock start for those on the right
coast. Makes more sense than a game on a Thursday that half the
east coast is sleeping through.
The 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers can open the champagne, as their record
of having the worst season in NFL history is intact.
What has Minnesota done? First, they have to suffer with Jesse Ventura
as Governor and now their lazy, undisciplined football team allows
the Lions to win a game.
Is anyone surprised that the Vikings lost to the Lions? We aren't.
If you can't stop Stacy Mack running the football, it is going to
be a long end of the season, Cleveland.
Think the most overjoyed people in America to hear that George O'Leary
was a liar were the players and management of the Jacksonville Jaguars.
When a kicker is affecting the outcome of the games, it is time
to move the kicker. Why haven't the Jets gotten rid of John Hall?
He does have a big leg but he can't find the plate.
What are the percentages of people who watch "Survivor"
that also have recently purchased Spam or a ChiaPet?
What good comes from starting Jon Kitna anymore? The Bengals have
to find out that Akili Smith can't play. Scratch that, Akili is
down. Bring in Scott Mitchell we could all use a good laugh.
Speaking of the Bengals, after their good start how many of us believed
they would be standing at 4-9 and looking at another high draft
pick? Okay, it was most of us.
I do believe that if they could get an average passing attack the
Bengals would come quickly to .500 or better. Their defense can
play some but they may be years from having an average passing attack.
It is too late for this season but no one is going to want to play
the Kansas City Chiefs with Priest Holmes, Tony Gonzalez, and a
healthy Derrick Alexander on the field.
Is Mike Ditka one of the greatest buffoons in sports television?
He believed the strange call by the officials at the end of the
Jacksonville/Cleveland game would kill instant replay. Instant replay
is going nowhere.
While the bozos in the CBS booth debated whether the ball should've
been Cleveland's or Jacksonville's, and no one seemed to have the
correct information, they forgot to mention that possibly fans shouldn't
throw bottles onto the field.
Speaking of the Browns' fans wasn't it nice to see Carmen Policy,
the cheat, condone the throwing of bottles at the officials. Those
idiots should have their tickets taken and be banned from the stadium.
Throw Carmen's ass out there too.
Was there a scarier sight than seeing Jarious Jackson playing for
the Denver Broncos?
Goodbye Falcons.
When the defense is getting upfield against the offense on almost
every play, why would you try to run the option on third down? Someone
please ask Dave Wannstedt.
With Tony Gonzalez having a flat season, has there been a better
tight end than Marcus Pollard? Certainly not one for the price.
It hasn't been announced but Cris Carter has retired early.
It is time for 60 Minutes to hang it up when they are outraged over
trying to get in touch with the phone company. Those clowns must
have the servants try to work with the jackals at Pac Bell - the
worst customer service on the four corners of the globe.
The most positive note for the Patriots was that they were able
to go on the road, play a meaningless - sort of - game, and win.
Pay attention Brett Favre. Whoever gets them in the playoffs will
know that they've been in a game.
Is there anything worse than owning Garrison Hearst and seeing Kevan
Barlow get two rushing TDs? Makes me want to puke Fritos.
The defensive numbers won't show it but the 49ers defensive line
was all over the Dolphins. If they could play that way every game
they would be a threat to the Rams.
Goodbye Redskins.
We love Brett Favre but when he plays against a team he feels is
inferior it shows.
There was plenty of hoo-hah about the Ricky Watters/Shaun Alexander
starting controversy but it looks for one week like it made no difference.
Cuz Matt Hasselbeck still sucks no matter who plays behind him.
Stranded late at night in a bad neighborhood or watching Tony Banks
trying to lead a comeback, I'm not sure which is more frightening.
The Steelers are a scary team this year and in the future. The offense
will be even better next season with Plaxico Burress - finally looked
like a man - taking another step forward. Hangover's Top-10
Mark Bond can be found,
most days, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn, eating hot sausage sandwiches
topped with BBQ chips, chili, and coleslaw, slapping back Cuervo
shooters, and rambling on about those warm evenings spent with Janet
Reno. He is not related to James Bond but has the same air of sophistication
of Sean Connery. Mark is currently annoying his workmates at Jackpot
Sports, home of the first daily fantasy baseball game, the Reggie
Jackson Fantasy Baseball Challenge, plus weekly and seasonal Fantasy
Football games.
