Each week we will review the great, odd, poor, and weird happenings
of the past weeks football games. Yeah there will be a little fantasy
football info somewhere. I think.
Kids, on the SAT's expect questions that involve comparing words.
A football example would be Happy Hour is to little meatballs as
Chris Chandlers is to CAT Scans.
And the Michael Vick era has begun. He did nothing wild, and the
Bears turned a fumble of his into a touchdown, but there is no reason
to have him sitting on the bench. After the loss to the Bears, the
Falcons are firmly entrenched in the rebuilding mode.
And so is the Anthony Thomas era. James Allen may still get some
carries but the "A-Train" is on the track.
Marty Booker had the best game of any player in the NFL. He had
two touches and both went for scores. It doesn't get better than
that.
Don't look now but the Bears might be a bit of a thorn in the NFC
Central. At this point, they look to be south of Tampa and Green
Bay but north of Minnesota and Detroit.
The Cleveland Browns are leading the AFC Central, along with the
Ravens, at 3-1. If both can keep their feet they have a showdown
in Cleveland Week 7. Think those rabid - only adjective for the
Dog Pound - Browns fans will be a bit excited. Want a business tip,
get a piece of the dog bone action that weekend.
And a piece of the liquor business, as well.
Hey, weren't you the Cincinnati Bengals?
Attention all Head Coaches, the Pittsburgh Steeler are going to
do two things offensively, they are going to run the football until
you stop them - 40 rushes and 274 yards Week 4 - and they will pass
to Hines Ward. That is all they have.
Attention fantasy players, Kris Brown is going to get plenty of
field goal chances, he is likely available, and he can kick.
An observation for New Orleans fans and coaches and also a note
to John Carney fantasy owners. Aaron Brooks is not ready to take
that team to the big game. If anything the team seemed to be fighting
his mistakes all day. This means that a disappointing day is coming
and that Carney should sweep up a lot of field goals.
People who watch football for the - ahem - action might want to
note this trend that means almost nothing. Of the seven teams heading
into their bye week - we are not counting New Orleans, Pittsburgh,
and Tampa that, unexpectedly, had two-week byes - only the Chicago
Bears and Dallas Cowboys beat the spread. The Bears were the only
team to win the game outright. This information is for fun and entertainment
purposes only.
Stephen Davis ran the ball twice for zero yards in the second half.
Until Banks had an interception returned for a touchdown at the
end of the game, the Redskins were within seven points but relied
on a passing attack that would be shameful for Pop Warner teams.
Time to pin a note on Marty Schottenheimer and leave him at the
nearest mall food court.
Maybe send Dennis Green and Jeff Fisher with him. Green's team,
under his personnel decisions, is beginning to look like last year's
version of the Rams, but without Marshall Faulk. They can scare
a team with the passing game but can't stop anyone and can't run.
The Vikings are a sideshow, that's all.
As are the Titans. No passing game at all and those that selected
Eddie George in fantasy leagues must be wondering, "Where's
the Beef?" Think the Rams knew about Kevin Carter and are laughing
all the way to the bank.
Speaking of the Titans, is Jevon Kearse even in the league? The
biggest hit he has applied to someone all season is the fanny slap
to the Direct TV installer. Other than that, he is playing patty-cake.
Fantasy fans, if you will notice, Erron Kinney is stealing all of
Frank Wycheck's receptions.
Another thing about these wonderful regional matches - we have the
Raiders/Cowboys - is that you get announcers that have no understanding
of the game. I think our crew this week is Salvador Dali and Idi
Amin. Can't remember which remarked about Troy Hamrick as an up
and comer because he took an 80-yard run for a touchdown against
the Eagles. He failed to mention that the run occurred as the Eagles
were already watching game film on the Cardinals.
Who has the longest winning streak by a starting quarterback at
this time? Yep, Trent Dilfer. His win Week 4 makes 11 starts in
a row without a loss.
That loud bang you just heard was Tom Coughlin's head exploding.
Can we start the playoffs now? It's been boiled down to eight teams
at this point so why not get to finals. The rest of the teams can
muddle through their schedules but lets get the playoffs going.
The eight playoff teams are: Miami, Baltimore, Oakland, Denver,
NY Giants, New Orleans, St. Louis, and Tampa. The rest should pack
up and leave. Stop whining San Diego and Cleveland, you can play
all the 1-AA teams you want but it doesn't make you one of the best.
Damon Washington, could've knocked me over with a feather.
Greg Williams and Tom Donahoe are too smart to see that Alex Van
Pelt may be a better fit in the West Coast offense than Barbie Johnson.
They will roll that pitiful excuse for a professional quarterback
out each week to hold the ball too long, get sacked, and eventually
be dragged off holding a body part because they feel he gives them
a chance to win.
Brian Griese lovers may be getting a little concerned that he has
very few targets to throw to beyond Rod Smith. They don't throw
to the backs and Eddie Kennison has disappeared. This minimizing
of the offense would be okay if they could play defense. They aren't
a great defensive team and will need to put some points on the board.
If anyone sees Antonio Freeman please notify the Green Bay Packers.
Kabeer Gbaja-Biamili is on a pace for 36 sacks. Warren Sapp who
said he would set the sack record - 22 set by onerous Mark Gastineau
- is on a pace for zero. If I had to pick one, I think my money
would be on Kabeer.
No truth to the rumor I'm naming my next child Kabeer.
When local municipalities want to rid the downtown of vermin, they
use recordings of Jerry Glanville doing game highlights. It's funny
because it's true.
Another example of why Las Vegas will continue its sprawl in the
Nevada desert is Oakland/Dallas. Oakland could've beaten Dallas
by 42 points or basically a mismatch like Nebraska against University
of the Pacific but they fell asleep allowing Dallas to make it a
close game and beat the spread. Just trying to help out.
Mark Bond can be found,
most days, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn, eating hot sausage sandwiches
topped with BBQ chips, chili, and coleslaw, slapping back Cuervo
shooters, and rambling on about those warm evenings spent with Janet
Reno. He is not related to James Bond but has the same air of sophistication
of Sean Connery. Mark is currently annoying his workmates at Jackpot
Sports, home of the first daily fantasy baseball game, the Reggie
Jackson Fantasy Baseball Challenge, plus weekly and seasonal Fantasy
Football games.
