Detroit/Chicago
I have promised my analyst, bartender, and parole officer - same person - to stay away from discussing the abominable, abhorrent, vulgar, peccant, and loathsome job the referees did Thanksgiving Day. I promised not to mention the rather large wad of bile it made me swallow along with a large piece of pumpkin pie. I promised, so I won't mention any of it. Watch to see if Mike McMahon gets more time because the knuckleheads running the Lions think he has talent because he ran a 35-play drive punctuated by 14 %#$@#$% calls against the Packers. Will James Stewart be able to push past the two elephants that Chicago hired to clog the middle? Is Anthony Thomas healthy or does James Allen get to run for the 100 yards that is doled out by the Lions like pieces of candy at Christmas. Will Jim Miller be the Jim Miller of two weeks ago or of last week? This team needs a solid QB and he has been miserably inconsistent. If they can get solid play from Miller, Booker, and whomever is No. 3 then they are contenders for the NFC Championship game. If not, well it is a nice season to talk about while chowing on Rush St.

Tampa Bay/Cincinnati
Here come all the stories of Tampa making its "patented rush" at the end of the season. Lots will be made of Monday's win against the Rams but let's be honest that almost any team would've beaten an error-prone squad, like Monday's St. Louis contingent. The true feeling about the Buccaneers is that no one has any idea whether they will beat a drowning Bengals squad or cock up an important game that should be a gimme. The Bucs don't move the ball consistently and have problems on defense that get lost in the hyperbole over Warren Sapp and John Lynch. Watch Jacquez Green. If there is a need on this team it is a player that stretches the defense. Green is that player. If he can start catching some balls deep over the middle then Keyshawn and the backs will have a little more room. Watch the rotation at back as Tony Dungy and his minions haven't given a clear indication if it is Warrick Dunn's position or if it is a job-share. Watch to see if the Buccaneers can stop Corey Dillon. They know he is coming and should have little fear about Jon Kitna/Darnay Scott. They aren't particularly stout against the run and if Dillon can gain some turf then most teams will pound the ball at them.

Tennessee/Cleveland
This is a huge game for the Browns. The Titans are holding onto the ledge with one or two fingertips and the Browns could send them plummeting to the earth with a win. The more teams that the Browns can separate from contention the more likely it becomes that they will make the dance. The Titans must win out to make the dance. Ain't gonna happen but they are dangerous to any contenders, especially ones with so little going for them like the Browns. Usually a contender has a few attributes that make them contenders. Other than a propensity to create interceptions, I can't find something that sells me on the Browns as a serious player. They are good, not great, against the pass, have no offensive weapons, and can't stop the run. The only thing going for them is two wins against the Ravens. Still, the Titans may have thrown in the towel and the Browns should be able to pass the ball against them. Watch Tim Couch as the Titans can't stop the pass and that plays into the hands of Couch and Kevin Johnson. Watch Eddie George. George hasn't had a good game all year, it seems, and the Browns have problems stopping the run. If they stop George it may mean Eddie is really hurt or that the Browns have taken a step forward. Maybe it means nothing at all. Promotion for this game will stress how the Titans are on the edge of missing the playoffs. Promotions lie.

Denver/Miami
If only Ed McCaffrey were healthy, this would be an interesting game. It retains some interest because the Broncos believe they are still contenders when San Diego, Seattle, and Washington have smacked them, which is like an amateur nighter at the Tic-Toc believing they are ready for Vegas. The Broncos are ready to set sail to oblivion and this game with the Dolphins could give them the first big push. Watch Chris Chambers. He is big, fast, athletic, and the Broncos had trouble late against the Cowboys. Watch the Travis Minor/Lamar Smith battle. The Broncos have been tough against the run so Smith may go down early and Minor could get some play. Watch to see if Terrell Davis finally comes unhinged and falls to the ground. Watch Dave Wannstedt. He is clueless to all that goes on during a game.

Carolina/New Orleans
Are these the same Saints that were considered Super Bowl contenders? These guys suck. They likely have to win five out of their last six and Carolina is the only opponent with a losing record at this point so it could be an ugly finish. The loss of Willie Roaf may hurt the running game but if it has any significant impact against the Panthers, Roaf might be the greatest big man since Paul Bunyan. This should be a walkover for the Saints but watch Aaron Brooks' completion percentage. He is next-to-last in the NFL as only Tony Banks - duh - is wilder. He has been very inconsistent with the girl with a curl mentality. In four games he has 10 TDs and zero interceptions and the other six games he has five TDs and eight interceptions. Don't watch the Panthers, they are like Medusa and will turn all footballers into stone.

New England/Jets
This is the best game of the day. Only the greatest of diehard Patriots fans - yeah, that means you Jiggsy - thought they would have more than a couple wins at this point. Here they are with one of the hottest teams in the league - winners of three out of last four - with a rejuvenated Antowain Smith - can you be rejuvenated if it was questionable you were juvenated to begin with - running hard, a tough defense, and the fourth highest rated QB in the NFL. Bob Kraft must've sold his soul to the Devil, which explains the whole Terry Glenn thing anyway. Problem with this game is that we believe the Jets are a decent team but keep thinking that Tom Brady will implode and the Patriots will turn to dust. Maybe it is the New England upbringing heavy with puritan virtue - sorry, must compose myself --, the Red Sox, and clam chowder or the lack of confidence I have in Bill Belichick. Either way, it is hard to believe in the Patriots. Watch Brady. He has been very good against all manner of teams and his performance against what was supposed to be a good Saints team was topflight. He is the key. Watch the Jets run D. They were horrid early in the year and if they lock up Antowain, Brady may fall. Watch Laveranues Coles. Belichick is a defensive game plan mastermind and probably has a way to stymie Curtis Martin but Coles' speed could get out past Ty Law. Want to know how brain dead the announcers are? See how often they mention Bill Parcells. The more they mention him the more you know they have little to say about the game.

Minnesota/Pittsburgh
These teams are heading in opposite directions. The Vikings are going to be watching the playoffs from the comfort of Hooters. The Steelers are real players for the AFC Championship. It is not just the records of the teams that are heading in opposite directions but the souls. Sorry if that is too deep but the Vikings are breaking down. Robert Smith's retirement, Korey Stringer's death, Cris Carter's mental collapse, and Randy Moss' refusal to play have all been part of the package. The Steelers, on the other helmet, are a band of happy boys. The defense is attacking, Jerome Bettis is doing a dance every five carries, Kordell Stewart is imitating Sammy Baugh, and Bill Cowher's jaw seems to jut even further from his face with each succeeding win. Watch if Kordell and his receivers can play another big game. The Vikings are pretty bad against the pass and the Steelers pass game is strutting. Watch if this is one of the games that Randy Moss feels like playing. Always watch the Vikings bench, as there is more action between the offensive players there then on the field some games.

Indianapolis/Baltimore
There is a cruelty to football when a coach knows he is done but has to play out the season. Jim Mora is that coach. He has had a solid NFL career taking the Saints and the Colts to the playoffs but he is done. The Colts are into their second disappointing season and his tirade "playoffs! playoffs!" after Week 11's loss was the public admission of defeat. Unfortunately, we wish that coach were Brian Billick. Is there an easier person to hate in all of sports? We aren't counting the murderers, wife/child-abusers, and other criminals, of course. Boy that doesn't leave very many now does it. Watch the Ravens pass defense. They are vulnerable and the Colts are at their best passing the ball now that Edge is done for the year. Remember when Edge wouldn't come to Indy for voluntary practice? Guess Mora was right after all. Watch to see the type of play Moe Williams gets. Does he get most of the carries? Can he block on passing downs? Does he get the ball in short yardage situations? Like the law, possession is nine-tenths of running back security. If he can play, they may not replace him. Watch Elvis and his sidemen as the Colts can't stop the pass. Watch poor Peyton Manning stumble around. It has not been his year what with the preseason infection, knee injury, fractured jaw, injuries to Jerome Pathon and Edgerrin James, and a leaky defense.

San Diego/Seattle
Both of these teams had their moments this year but neither looks to be able to complete the deal. The losses the last week probably secured places outside of the playoffs. Losing to the Cardinals wasn't a shock as Arizona is an improving team offensively and the Chargers were battered and beaten. The loss by Seattle to Kansas City took me by surprise. Couldn't the Seahawks walk the ball on the ground against the Chiefs? Seemed like they would only have to attempt a dozen passes and hand the ball to Shaun Alexander. Didn't happen, didn't work. Now the loser of this game is done and the winner is just fooling themselves. Watch Matt Hasselbeck. He hasn't done very much and a stronger showing is needed lest Mike Holmgren start rethinking the QB position in the offseason. Watch LaDainian Tomlinson as the Seattle run D has faded and Tomlinson is due for a big game. If that happens, win or lose the Seahawks are done. Watch Mike Riley to see if he has his San Diego St. cap on and not a Chargers cap. Why would he take that job? He goes from Oregon St. to the NFL to a minor league college team, is that a correct career path.

Dallas/Washington
Listening to ESPN radio on the way to work and Mike Tirico has one of his 30-second editorials that promotes Marty Schottenheimer as NFL Coach of the Year. Let's try and forget that Tirico and Marty were co-workers a year ago and assume that Tirico is promoting Marty truly because he believes Marty has done the best job. How #$%&%$# stupid is that notion? Sure the man was 0-5 and now is 5-5 but it is because he cocked it up to begin with. He pissed off the vets on the team with his childish rules, tried to instill a dink and dunk offense with Jeff George at the helm, and then was left with Tony Banks as a starter. When he got here the team was one year removed from Super Bowl hype. Most prognosticators had them as an average team at best. The fact they sucked the first five games was his problem not the problem of the personnel. Now that he has figured out what to do, we should not reward him. Okay, I'm calm. Watch Hambrick's play. Will he see the end zone or is Emmitt still the man? Watch to see if the Redskins can run the ball against the Cowboys as the Cowboys have been solid against the run and it is imperative for the Redskins to keep the ball from Tony Banks. Watch for the Dave Campo I'm counting on my toes look, it is priceless. The man will go for two after every conversion the rest of his life. And don't worry, the talking heads will kill that one all game long.

Arizona/Oakland
Does anyone have a real interest in this game? Can't we play it out on a computer and let the poor people of Oakland do something else Sunday afternoon? There isn't much to this game with the exception of watching Tyrone Wheatley's participation. If he isn't getting the rock now, he won't be getting it the rest of the year. Also watch to see if the Cardinals can run the football. That was the plan at the beginning of the year and they never followed through. The Raiders have had trouble with the run and the big line of the Cardinals might push them around a little. Watch David Boston because he is fun to watch.

Buffalo/San Francisco
The Alex Van Pelt story is the craziest "only in America" story since Don King killed a man, took five slugs in the noggin, and went on to rule boxing. The pudgy third-stringer was hoping to live out his career as the clipboard holder for a few more years and then head to whatever life had to hold for him. A Rob Johnson injury - how many sentences start this way? - and -- Bam! - Van Pelt is the hope for the future in Buffalo. All because he is willing to throw the football when it is supposed to be thrown. If the West Coast offense has done anything it has given life to decisive, short-armed QBs, like Van Pelt. And it kills imposters, like Rob Johnson. Watch to see if the new Buffalo passing game is for real. The 49ers secondary is getting better and this could be a good match. Watch to see if the 49ers can run the ball against the Bills. The Bills were pansies early but have stiffened. Watch new kicker Shayne Graham. Just kidding.

Green Bay/Jacksonville
We never indulge but the Jags are 4-0 when they are the Monday night home dogs. This is a public service announcement for entertainment purpose only. Assuming that is correct, what is the chance they can keep the game within a field goal? We say it is slim and none and slim has. . . This should not be much of a game and if it is we should wonder seriously about the Packers as playoff contenders. Watch Ahman Green's usage. He is the controlling force for the Packers. Watch Tom Coughlin, as there may not be many more sightings. If Jacksonville is smart they have to realize that his purchasing of the groceries has left the household short of cash. Plus, his type of coach - dictatorial, blame the players first - has a short life in sports. They can scare the dung out of young players but when they get a veteran team in front of them the act gets tired.

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