Watching football on Sundays is as American as super-sizing an order
of chili fries. Each game is a wonderful ballet danced by behemoths
on a stage of mud, blood, and spit. While the crunching bones, the
tearing muscles, and the oozing blood are the main focal points;
there are plenty of mini-dramas that make watching more enjoyable.
Sit back in the corner of the couch, suck on a spicy Bloody Mary,
cover yourself with a Charlie Batch game jersey and we will outline
what you should be watching for each game.
Chicago/Atlanta
This should be placed in the nominees for most boring football game
of the year. We don't believe for a minute that either will contend
for a playoff spot and other than placating 30,000 Atlantans, is
there any reason this game is on the schedule. I know, to balance
out the schedule. Can't Chicago and Atlanta take a tie and save
the energy spent to run the stadium or for people to get to the
games. Maybe they can have a monster truck rally or something like
that. The thing is this game has much more intrigue in the fantasy
parts than its football entertainment. Can Maurice Smith put up
a second good fantasy week? He crushed the Cardinals by his lonesome
but the Bears are a much tougher defensive team and won't be a pushover.
If he can put up good numbers again, this may be the start of something
big. If not, hello Rodney Thomas. And how about that Bears passing
game. We got a taste after Shane Matthews went down and Jim Miller
was scraped of the dung heap for the third, fourth, fifth time.
If the Bears can pass the pig again, then Marcus Robinson and Marty
Booker - what happened to David Terrell? - have some nice value.
If they can't, is Brian Urlacher their most valuable fantasy player?
Watch to see if Anthony Thomas starts to take time from James Allen.
It is quite possible.
San Diego/Cleveland
There are two improbable scenarios to this game. The Chargers -
try saying that with a Boston accent - win and go to 4-0. The Browns
win pushing both teams to 3-1. Ridiculous, the world is backward.
Pigs will dance with chickens and the whole world will hold hands
singing "Michael row the boat ashore." Tequila does make
the day seem brighter. We figure Tomlinson will run the ball well
but what has happened to Freddie Jones, he is invisible. Has he
pissed off the midget? Watch to see if he gets some action - we
are talking the football field. On the Cleveland side of the ball
- damn, how many shots of the Dog Pound will we see? I say the over/under
is 12 - see if Tim Couch and his receivers can exploit the Chargers.
The Browns will have many games where they will have to throw to
stay in the game, if they can do that then Couch and Company might
not be bad to have as filler. Oh, speaking of the Dog Pound, I have
seen them close up eating, drinking, and -ahem- making whoopee.
It ain't pretty. Anthropologists the world over wonder why Grandmothers
would wear orange paint, dog ears, and a Bernie Kosar jersey in
public. We have the answer. It is a half-dozen sloe gin fizzes.
New England/Miami
The beating that the Patriots handed to the Colts was as twisted
as the Julia Roberts/Lyle Lovett entanglement as shocking as a Queen
Elizabeth nude scene and as vulgar as hot fudge sundaes without
whipped cream. We don't expect a repeat. Not against a Dolphins
team madder than an Angeleno without a cell phone, ain't going to
happen. Not in Miami where the Patriots are chasing the geese south.
The Dolphins defense will not allow Antowain Smith to do a Jim Brown
jig on their heads. What to watch is to see if Lamar Smith can move
the rock on the ground, cuz if he can't the Dolphins fanatics should
holster their AMEX cards - not a proud sponsor of this page but
we are willing to relent if the benny package is correct - and stop
dreaming of gumbo, hurricanes, and the public nudity that makes
New Orleans famous.
Minnesota/New Orleans
Great segue, huh. This is a return match from last season's playoffs.
Those that remember back that far - we forget an hour ago - remember
Randy Moss catching only two passes but for touchdowns and 121 yards.
Daunte Culpepper and Cris Carter playing keep away from the Saints
dominated the rest of the game. The Saints were not able to generate
a running game and failed to pressure Culpepper, which was needed
to slow the passing game. Things have changed since that first Saturday
in January. The Vikings have lost two tackles - don't underestimate
the importance of that - and one of the best running backs in football.
They have scored four touchdowns in four games since that Saturday.
This is a difficult match for the Vikes, as the Saints aren't giving
up yards through the air. They are the best in the league in pass
defense. That means it would be easier for the Vikes if they could
run the ball. They can't. Or they haven't shown the ability to.
For the Saints, see if they can knock "Man Mountain Culpepper"
down. If they can't get to him, this could start looking like a
repeat of January. If they can get to him, the Vikes will crumble,
as all they have is the passing game. Also start seeing if this
relationship between Aaron Brooks and Willie Jackson is getting
a little too close. Another game like Week 3 and we can assume that
Joe Horn has been shown the door.
Washington/New York Giants
How long before the announcers of this game mention the new relationship
between Washington and New York? How long before the pictures of
a missing World Trade Center and dented Pentagon are shown? I say
15 seconds. Hopefully they will avoid the tactless - this is television
remember - promotion of the game through the horrible tragedy that
started in those two cities but enveloped the rest of us. This should
be a walk for the Giants as all the Redskins have that would scare
the Giants is Stephen Davis but the Giants can stop the run. Assuming
that the Giants ability to stop the run remains, that leaves Tony
Banks as the sole hope of the Redskins. Forget it. The two most
important things to watch are the Ike Hilliard/Joe Jurevicius battle
and whether Ron Dayne can take the job from Tiki Barber. The Redskins
haven't stopped a running game yet so Dayne could get a couple more
weeks of play if he plays well. For Dayne owners this is the watershed
moment in his season.
Arizona/Philadelphia
Were there tears when Arizona viewed the game film from the Dallas/Philadelphia
tussle Sunday? Did grown men cower and ask for their mothers? If
they didn't they are better men than I. The first half of that game
was frightening, as the Eagles' defense never let the Cowboys get
off the line. It was 33-6 at the half but seemed like 100-6. Now
the Cardinals should be a better offensive unit than the Cowboys
but let's be honest this is a washout game. It will be interesting
if the Cardinals can push the smaller Eagles off the line in the
run game. If ever there were a moment they needed to run the ball,
this is it. The Eagles can be exploited on the ground and with possibly
a passing attack that emphasizes screens. Maybe Arizona can pull
it off. If they don't Jake will look like snakes on the interstate.
As much as this is an important aspect of the game for the Cardinals,
it is equally important for the Eagles further down the road. If
they want to play late in the season, they will have to stop many
running games. If they can't stop Arizona's, it may seal their fate
long before they want it sealed.
Cincinnati/Pittsburgh
Okay, the Bengals 15 minutes are up. Let's move on folks, shows
over. Back to the middle of the AFC Central with Pittsburgh, Cleveland,
and Jacksonville for the Bengals and another loss will have us calling
them foul names again. The Steelers looked bad against Jacksonville
but good against the Bills. That makes this an even match. Not much
to watch. Except one of these teams will stay in the race and one
will drop out, which one we aren't sure about. On Pittsburgh's side
of the ball they have to keep Corey Dillon in the corral. If they
can do that, forget the game for Cincinnati. It would be nice to
see whether Plaxico Burress will ever get it. The hourglass is starting
to lose sand on his potential. We heard all the sweet talk of his
working hard; it would be nice to see results. The Bengals need
to keep the train moving and that means running Dillon. We should
get a good idea if Jon Kitna is QB backup material or the stuff
scraped off your shoe after walking through the cat's litter box.
Tennessee/Baltimore
Now this is a game. This has more things to watch than amateur night
at the Tic-Toc club. The Titans are on the fence. If they lose,
they are likely out of any chance for the playoffs. Winning doesn't
secure anything but it keeps them treading water. They will have
trouble running the ball against the Ravens, that is a given. With
that said, can Steve McNair find his passing game? Who is going
to catch the ball? Is Erron Kinney the new go to tight end with
Wycheck taking some fullback duties? For Baltimore it still revolves
around the running game primarily. Brian Billick trashed Jason Brookins
in print this week for making mistakes outside of running the ball.
It may be true but we see his public notice of Brookins' miscues
as more arrogance from one of the great sporting egos of the new
century. The other thing to watch is to see how much action Travis
Taylor receives from Elvis Grbac. He had a good game Week 3, if
this continues we may be given notice of his arrival.
Jacksonville/Seattle
The match between beaten QBs and RBs is important for the Jags only,
as the Seahawks are done. There will be interest in Dilfer tossing
the rock to Darrell Jackson and to see if Shaun Alexander can hold
up to the promise everyone had for him but those are not of grand
import in the big scheme of things. On the Jags side, we get the
second full week of Stacey Mack who played well against the Browns.
More important will be to see how healthy Mark Brunell is and if
Jimmy Smith can toast the Seattle secondary which is still missing
Shawn Springs and gets no help from a mediocre pass rush. Not an
exciting game for the people at home.
Kansas City/Denver
The Ravens battered Denver for the second straight time and the
passing game is beginning to look like it needs a little help. Not
a red flag but without McCaffrey, it looks like Rod Smith against
the world. They don't throw to the backs and Eddie Kennison has
been invisible or very visible - dropping passes. This has opened
up the game a little for Desmond Clark. It wouldn't shock us if
he had an eight reception 100-yard day in the near future. If Kennison
isn't the guy this team could struggle, as the defense is not as
tight as the wags want you to think. The Chiefs would like more
of the same from their offense but Priest Holmes is not Walter Payton.
They do get Minnis to go with Alexander and Gonzalez and all seem
to be healthy for the first time all year. This should give us a
reasonable idea of what the passing game of the Chiefs will look
like. Missing Tony Richardson will hurt a little more than you might
think as he blocks, runs, and catches passes all very well and the
Chiefs don't have a replacement.
NY Jets/Buffalo
Call this the West Coast Wango Tango. Both teams adopted the new
offense with trumpets of joy but neither seems to have any clue
as what to do with it. The Bills have a perfect West Coast receiver
- Eric Moulds -- but the quarterback - Rob Johnson - is a male model
in shoulder pads. Could this be the week that pot-bellied, weak-armed
Alex Van Dyke takes the reins? It is possible. Watch to see if the
Jets learned from their disastrous loss against the 49ers by using
Curtis Martin to soften the Bills and getting the ball in the hands
of Laveranues Coles who looks like he could be dangerous if used
properly. Also avoiding Anthony Becht who played like a cousin of
Shoeless Joe Jackson. If the Jets can't put the Bills away, then
they can go home.
Green Bay/Tampa Bay
The other great match of the weekend pits a good defense/shaky offense
against a team with few answers and plenty of questions. The Buccaneers
can change QBs but little has changed about them offensively as
they try to move the ball slowly down the field and will settle
for a field goal whenever it is comfortable. This will win them
10-11 games, place them in the playoffs, and get them to lose by
the second round. If they can't stretch the field with Jacquez Green,
they can't play long term. The offense of Dungy has to get the ball
in Dunn's hands outside of the running game. I know he is hurt;
we are talking down the road. Ok, we will shift our focus. Tampa
has to be able to run the ball against the Packers defense, which
is the toughest in the NFL against the run. Of course, the Packers
have played Detroit, Washington and Carolina in the first three
weeks so they aren't battle-tested. If Tampa can't move the ball
on the ground, their defense may be on the field way too long to
stay in the game. On the Packers side start watching the amount
of time Corey Bradford is getting as Freeman seems to be an after
thought in this offense - 8 catches, 9.2 average per catch. Also
look for the time Favre gets from his offensive line. The more time
Brett Favre has, the more dangerous he becomes.
Carolina/San Francisco
George Seifert can't make up his mind so the Panthers are going
to the wishbone. That way all the players are happy and George won't
have to make a decision. That is the first thing to watch. Not that
the Panthers running game is a thing of beauty but running backs
are thin and if one of these mopes can get 60-70 yards a game with
a score tossed in every other week, it becomes headlines across
the fantasy world. People buzzing over the news at the water cooler,
phone lines tied up cross the country, and parents waking children
in the dead of night to tell them the news. That type of hysteria.
The running game of the 49ers was awesome Week 3 but watch the play
of Hearst, as Mariucci wasn't very complimentary about his play
despite over 90 yards. We think Barlow is slowly going to take this
position but it may be another month before the touches shift. The
big thing to watch is if any wide receiver other than Terrell Owens
can play. Neither Stokes nor Streets have done much and this cycles
extra bodies on Owens, which stifles his numbers. Jeff Garcia is
starting slowly and hasn't played to his draft position because
of the players around him.
Oakland/Dallas
Take the game film of the Oakland/Seattle game and paint Dallas
uniforms on the Seattle players. It will be that type of cataclysmic
disaster. With the only difference being that quarterback Quincy
Carter is even less talented than Matt Hasselbeck. Genghis Kahn
and his boys left villages in better shape than Oakland will leave
the Cowboys. The only thing to care about is the number of touches
for Tim Brown. It is likely that they will force the ball to him
so that there isn't pouting on the aging receivers.
St. Louis/Detroit
Another great Monday night display for ABC as the Rams look great
and the Lions look like crap. The Lions have had two weeks to get
ready for this game and get the kinks out of the offense that committed
seven turnovers Week 2. Detmer is not a great quarterback but he
isn't Babe Laufenberg. Watch the way the Lions attack this game,
as they must get James Stewart in the play early. The Rams are not
defensive giants but running the ball against them has not been
easy. It is imperative to keep the ball from the Rams as much as
possible as seven turnovers won't turn into 24 points like against
the Browns, it will be 74 points and damn fast. Also watch the wide
receivers as Morton seems to be the favorite and Crowell is a huge
dog. The Rams just have to keep on keeping on, as nothing will stop
them from the playoffs except for injuries.
Mark Bond can be found,
most days, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn, eating hot sausage sandwiches
topped with BBQ chips, chili, and coleslaw, slapping back Cuervo
shooters, and rambling on about those warm evenings spent with Janet
Reno. He is not related to James Bond but has the same air of sophistication
of Sean Connery. Mark is currently annoying his workmates at Jackpot
Sports, home of the first daily fantasy baseball game, the Reggie
Jackson Fantasy Baseball Challenge, plus weekly and seasonal Fantasy
Football games.
