Watching football on Sundays is as American as super-sizing an order
of chili fries. Each game is a wonderful ballet danced by behemoths
on a stage of mud, blood, and spit. While the crunching bones, the
tearing muscles, and the oozing blood are the main focal points;
there are plenty of mini-dramas that make watching more enjoyable.
Sit back in the corner of the couch, suck on a spicy Bloody Mary,
cover yourself with a Charlie Batch game jersey and we will outline
what you should be watching for each game.
Chicago/Cincinnati
It is amazing what a couple good moves can mean to a team. The Bears
draft Brian Urlacher, who is a human wrecking ball, sign a few defensive
linemen, and suddenly a shoddy defense is the "Monsters of
the Midway" once again. Now if the offense can keep pace, they
might sneak into the playoffs. This week they face a rejuvenated
Bengals team that might be drugged into thinking that they are playoff
contenders, too. Here is a clue, the one that loses, isn't. And
if the Bengals win they aren't either. Corey Dillon can dominate
games and if the Bears let him go, watch out. We don't see it happening.
Watch the Bears rotation at running back as Thomas is still hanging
over James Allen like a big, ugly condor over road kill. Also let's
see if Marcus Robinson is really telling the truth about his back.
He was pretty silent Week 5 and if the Bears are to succeed he and
Jim Miller must play well.
Baltimore/Cleveland
The blood lust that Browns' fans feel about the Ravens and their
El Jefe Art Modell won't be sated until Modell's head is on a platter.
Only patriotism keeps Modell from pushing Osama bin Laden off the
top rung at the local post offices. What makes this game even better
- outside of the public vilification of the abhorrent Modell - is
that the two teams are tied at 3-2. The loser of this game is in
a little hot water. We figure that will, and should, be Cleveland
but stranger things have happened. The Packers had success tossing
the pig against the Ravens, in the early downs, and we expect to
see that from the Browns, as it will be futile trying to run against
the two slabs of pork fat -- Tony Siragusa and Sam Adams -- clogging
the middle of the line for the Ravens. The Ravens are a little soft
against the pass and this is the best way for the Browns to stay
close. However, the passing game may be the quickest way to impale
oneself as well. The Ravens will run, but watch to see if Jason
Brookins finds a little more love as he was seeing time in the first
half against the Packers. If Elvis Grbac isn't ready to shake his
concussion headaches, Randall Cunningham might be Cleveland's secret
weapon as the man never learned to play the position and could be
outfitted for a multiple interception day.
Tennessee/Detroit
Remember those Godzilla films - the ones with the bad lip-synching,
not the embarrassment by Matthew Broderick --, the moment when it
was really quiet and suddenly out of the Pacific, covered in seaweed,
his badness would rise with a nasty peppermint schnapps hangover.
The Titans were doing a bit of a Godzilla Week 5 as they took the
game from the Buccaneers. It wasn't a bravura performance circa
1999, but was as good as they have looked this season. It figures
that the Lions get to play the Titans the moment they have awoken.
See, the Lions suck and could use a break, like playing a good team
that is down, not ready to stomp them flat. The funny thing is that
the weakness of the Lions is also the weakness of the Titans as
both have trouble throwing the ball and defending the pass. Oh,
please don't read anything into the Lions ability to toss the egg
when down by 200 points against a bad Vikings team playing prevent
defense. That would be like reading the feelings of your best friend's
girlfriend while she's blitzed on wine coolers. She always comes
to her senses. But it is the quarterbacks that must be watched in
this game as both came to life Week 5. Steve McNair ran the ball
again and Charlie Batch heaved like he hasn't heaved since Eastern
Michigan. If McNair starts running the ball he becomes a fantasy
entity and if Batch can put together another good day then Germane
Crowell and Johnny Morton move up the charts. Both teams will run
the ball and Eddie George and James Stewart are the only players
that will have a lot of people rooting their performance home but
the passing games are where the real interest lies. And could someone
wake up Jevon Kearse please. I thought I saw him rustle last week.
New England/Indianapolis
There hasn't been as big an upset in the Massachusetts countryside
as New England beating Indy Week 3 since a handful of farmers turned
back super power Britain a couple centuries ago on the rolling grasses
of Lexington and Concord. If it happens in Indianapolis, Jim Mora
will be as welcome in Indy as a flat in the 500. While it would
be nice for the Patriots to win it is unlikely, but the Colts are
having problems defensively and allowed the plodding Antowain Smith
to resemble Tony Dorsett last time. If this happens again, the Colts
are done and talk of new management will raise its ugly noggin.
See if the Colts try to pressure young QB Brady as letting him sit
comfortably in the pocket may bare the Colts secondary against good
route-runners like Terry Glenn and Troy Brown. Patriots coach Bill
Belichick will focus attention on Mr. Gold Teeth - Edgerrin James
- and force Manning to beat the Patriots or beat himself. Calm down.
Atlanta/New Orleans
What good can we drag from a game like this? The Falcons are starting
the second-string running back, their wide receiver corps is hurt
and old, and the secondary is being routinely hung out to dry. What
we can drag from a game like this is all on New Orleans' shoulders,
as the Saints have not played as well as advertised and almost lost
to the ordinary Panthers Week 5. This all goes on the shoulders
of Aaron Brooks who has had QB ratings of 66.2, 59.0, and 56.2 the
past three weeks. With 80 a passing grade, Brooks has carried F's
the past three weeks and he is the person on the hot seat. We fully
expect the Saints to run Ricky Williams over, under, and around
the Falcons but if Brooks can't keep drives going or keep from starting
drives for the opposition, he may be finding a seat on the pine.
One thing to watch is how many times he runs the ball as his running
attempts have increased almost every week. If he does get going
it will be interesting to see who is the target of his newly found
accuracy. Joe Horn has been a staggering disappointment and his
fantasy owners want to see a little love slipped under his door.
St. Louis/Jets
Assuming that coach Mike Martz wins his battle over his determined
superstar - Marshall Faulk - then all eyes will be on Trung Canidate.
Figuring this as a one-week trial, Canidate has a nice team to break
his maiden against as the Jets have had some ugly moments against
the run. The guess here though is that Martz places the game in
the hands of his receiving corps and unless the Jets can unleash
a pass rush, it could be lights out quickly. The Jets offense is
no slouch, either, and Curtis Martin is having one of his best years.
The Jets strength on offense is the offensive line but for them
to be effective, the defense has to keep the Jets in the game. If
they do, then the dance between the lines could be similar to last
week's battle between the Giants offensive line and the Rams defensive
line, which the Giants seemed to win. Watch to see if Lavernaues
Coles gets more love from Testaverde as he toasted Miami's secondary
for two scores and the Rams are not as good against the pass as
the Dolphins. This should be a walk for the Rams, but they may be
looking back at the Giants game and forward to the Saints and forget
all about business in the Meadowlands.
Pittsburgh/Tampa Bay
This is a game to love, as both teams are full of questions. Now
it isn't shocking that the Buccaneers are 2-2 at this point as the
early part of the schedule - excluding Week 1's Dallas - was tough
and they missed the game with Philly, so it could be worse. The
Bucs gave a lot of points to the Titans who previously couldn't
score. Did they leave their best game back in Tampa after slugging
it out with the Packers? Did they overlook the faded beauty of the
Titans? Are they just not as good as the press releases? We should
find out this week as the Steelers are not to be trifled with as
Jerome Bettis is churning up mass amounts of yards - When will he
get in the damn end zone? In addition, their defense looks like
the defense they had five or six years ago when they could beat
the pus out of a team. Watch Kordell Stewart as he is starting to
run around and isn't making any errors as well. Now if they could
only competently draft wide receivers. Honestly, is Plaxico Burress'
greatest moment going to be his first exhibition game his rookie
year. Watch to see if the Bucs try to test the Steelers secondary
with Keyshawn and Jacquez Green. It may be the best way for them
to score but this looks to be a great day for field goal kickers.
Carolina/Washington
Let's be honest, the Marty Schottenheimer watch is clearly on. Think
about it, Daniel Snyder handed 10 million to this coaching fossil
whose greatest claim to fame was to beat his teams into greatness
during the regular season and submission in the playoffs. They deserve
each other like Bill Clinton and Newt Gingrich. There really isn't
much to watch other than to gawk at the traffic accident that is
the Redskins. See if Marty smartens up and realizes that every time
Tony Banks touches the ball there is not only a chance he will drop
the bloody thing but also a chance he tosses it in the direction
of the opposition. If he has realized this, then Stephen Davis will
get 25 touches. Of course, Davis can hack up a fumble almost as
well as Banks. Watch Ki-Jana Carter, as he is the only thing in
that offense that seems to have life. It wouldn't be stupid to give
him the ball a couple times, just as an experiment to see how long
he can go without an ACL tear. On Carolina's side of the ball the
only real interest is the maturation of Chris Weinke. It will be
nice to see if Patrick Jeffers gets some quality time and if that
time starts to eat into Donald Hayes' time.
Denver/San Diego
This is a panic game for both teams as once upon a time they were
both 2-0 and now are 3-2. That is progress one step forward and
two back, which isn't progress at all unless you are in the federal
government. The Chargers shouldn't be panicking as they were rancid
last season but the Broncos thought they were the Cow's udders and
heading to the playoffs. Amazing what an injury to Ed McCaffrey
can do to a team. This is an example of "It's a Wonderful Life"
and McCaffrey is George Bailey/Jimmy Stewart. Without Bailey, er
McCaffrey, the passing game isn't as scary, which means defenses
are free to focus on the running game, which slows the running game
down, which places the Broncos' defense on the field too long and
leads to losing. All this because Eddie McCaffrey is lost for the
season, geez Clarence one person's life does touch many others.
Now where is that hot, trampy Violet Bick? To add to the problems,
Brian Griese's shoulder is starting to tick loudly. Watch to see
if Mike Anderson gets pulled if the Chargers give the run game some
problems. Terrell Davis owners hold all your tickets. San Diego
has to find another way to move the football other than having LaDainian
Tomlinson drag his dog-tired carcass up and down the field. If Doug
Flutie can't find Freddie Jones maybe he needs a step stool to see
the big target. Denver is not good against tight ends, so far this
season, and as we understand it, Jones is supposed to be a good
one.
Kansas City/Arizona
The people who show up to watch this game should have their humanity
ID taken away. Please don't tell me there is nothing better to do.
Neither team is going anywhere but 6-10 land, if lucky, and there
will be much gnashing of teeth for the loser. If the loser is Kansas
City there could be riots in the streets as this would be almost
as painful to KCers as badmouthing their barbecue. The Chiefs paid
through the - pick your favorite orifice no, that is not what I
mean - for Dickie "I am a genius" Vermeil and Trent Green
and expected wins not trouncings. In Arizona losing is expected,
and the schmoos will go along as if nothing has occurred. Watch
to see if Trent Green works better with Chris Thomas in the lineup
as Marvin Minnis - he gets no nickname love until he shows he has
game - needs MapQuest to run a down and out. Want to know if Derrick
Alexander is healthy then watch this game because if he can't burn
the Cardinals defense, he ain't burning anyone. As for the Cardinals,
see if Jake Plummer can play in a game that his team could win if
they don't screw it up. Watch the time he has, as that offensive
line should be improving the longer they play together.
Green Bay/Minnesota
This should be a fun game to watch if Minnesota is ready to play.
If they aren't ready, then the Packers could make it a dull affair.
Dull affairs suck. All that boring talk that you could have with
a spouse is not supposed to be part of the affair. An affair is
about . . . sorry, I digress. This is the game that crowns the Packers
top dog in the NFC Central - can't we change these names to reflect
reality, like calling the Central the "snow sucks division".
If they lose then we have to ask a few questions about whether they
have what it takes to drive the length of the field. Watch to see
if Antonio Freeman repeats his performance from the Ravens game,
as the Vikings secondary should be easy to exploit. If he can't
get free from them then we know that Week 5 was a dream. The Vikings
running game has been a constant source of intrigue as Doug Chapman
will get his chance to push Michael "free shoes" Bennett
out of the way. Another thing to watch is to see if there is any
life in Randy Moss. He has been playing as if he is the older brother
and knows he can score at any time against his younger brother's
friends. Watch to see if the Vikings try to blitz Favre because
if they give him time he will pick them apart like Uncle John does
to the Thanksgiving turkey after dinner is done.
Philadelphia/New York Giants
This is the Beatles/Rolling Stones of the NFC East. Sadly, the Eagles
have been playing the Stones to the Giants' Beatles. Reason for
this is the Eagles inability to stop the run. The Giants like to
run. This is a real problem for the Eagles. This game is easy to
breakdown as the Eagles won't be able to run against the Giants
and the Giants struggle to pass against the Eagles. So for the Eagles
to win they must pass well against the Giants and the Giants must
run well against the Eagles. The Giants run better than the Eagles
pass, so you know where we sit. Watch to see how healthy Tiki Barber
is as we think he's not ready to resume playing full time. Watch
to see if Ike - what happened to the Ikettes? - Hilliard has surpassed
Joe Jurevicius cuz if he has, he might be available in your local
league. The key in this game is the Eagles being able to play tough
against a team that is going to try to beat them down. If they can't,
then it is time to forget them as contenders. Any know where James
Thrash is? We can't find him and neither can the Eagles.
Mark Bond can be found,
most days, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn, eating hot sausage sandwiches
topped with BBQ chips, chili, and coleslaw, slapping back Cuervo
shooters, and rambling on about those warm evenings spent with Janet
Reno. He is not related to James Bond but has the same air of sophistication
of Sean Connery. Mark is currently annoying his workmates at Jackpot
Sports, home of the first daily fantasy baseball game, the Reggie
Jackson Fantasy Baseball Challenge, plus weekly and seasonal Fantasy
Football games.
