Watching football on Sundays is as American as super-sizing an order
of chili fries. Each game is a wonderful ballet danced by behemoths
on a stage of mud, blood, and spit. While the crunching bones, the
tearing muscles, and the oozing blood are the main focal points;
there are plenty of mini-dramas that make watching more enjoyable.
Sit back in the corner of the couch, suck on a spicy Bloody Mary,
cover yourself with a Charlie Batch game jersey and we will outline
what you should be watching for each game.
New England/Atlanta
Another in a long line of games that have little value other than
for fantasy results. The biggest thing to watch is Tom Brady who
lost his virginity last week. If he has "it" he should
be able to rebound against the Falcons. When will the Falcons run
Michael Vick out to draw plays in the sand again, that would add
some humor to the match. Will Bill Belichick try another David Patten
pass play? He isn't the most original thinker on offense. Watch
to see if the Falcons can run against the Patriots as the shine
is just about worn off Maurice Smith as a fantasy entity. This is
a big game for the Patriots as a win keeps them in the race for
the division title, which is wide open. They were in the game against
the Broncos until Brady imploded and the Falcons are the type of
team that playoff teams should beat. And watch one of my favorite
players, Troy Brown, who every week shows that heart is as important
as speed or size.
Cleveland/Chicago
Maybe instead of the anthem they should play some Dead because a
long strange trip it has been for the Bears and Browns. The Bears
somehow clawed back into the game against the 49ers Week 7 and stole
a win they probably didn't deserve. This game has some of the same
intrigue as that contest. In some respects we are having another
game in the tourney to see which of these mystery teams are real
and which are imagined. The game last week involving the Bears did
little to tell us if either team deserved to be in the playoffs.
If the Bears win against the Browns we will concede that they have
taken two of the mystery teams down. If they lose then the picture
is very muddy. Watch Anthony Thomas' toe - we assume you won't be
able to see it without your x-ray specs - but he is complaining
of turf toe and that is never good news. Watch to see if the Browns
can run the ball against the Bears. See if they even try. They may
head to the air and Kevin Johnson and Jamel White could be the big
beneficiaries. It would be a good test as they have Pittsburgh and
Baltimore next and neither will allow them to run.
Tampa Bay/Green Bay
How many times does Chris Berman say something about the "frozen
tundra of Lambeau Field." Over/under is 10. He will also mention
the "Big Sombrero" and the announcers will play on the
secret love affair between Brett Favre and Warren Sapp. Will any
calculate how many sacks Sapp has to get in the next nine games
to catch Mark Gastineau? The answer is 21. The record is 22. If
Warrick Dunn is healthy his effort will be interesting but most
interesting will be if the Buccaneers can stop the Packers' running
game. We suspect not and without Booger and Marcus Jones there may
not be enough pressure on Brett Favre either. Ahman Green has had
23 receptions the last three times these two have met and we look
for another seven or eight to go along. After last week's drubbing
of the Vikings many are saying that the Buccaneers are back, we
would like them to beat a real team before jumping back on the bandwagon.
It wasn't too many weeks ago they lost to the Titans. That smell
will take a little while to wash out.
Carolina/Miami
That thud was the posse of QB experts running off the Chris Weinke
podium. Last week Weinke was asked to win the game against the Jets
and he, instead, lost it. He shouldn't have been put in that position
but George Seifert has an employment death wish and decided not
to run the ball against the worst run defense in the league. If
he thinks the Jets will give Weinke trouble, what possibly does
he think the Dolphins will do? Watch to see if Huntley gets another
chance at running the ball and if Muhsin Muhammad - milk carton
portrait is coming - can be located. The Dolphins should pound the
ball with Lamar Smith but if they have any trouble, and Jay Fiedler
is needed, look out. Fiedler is getting closer to allowing Ray Lucas
in the backdoor. If the Dolphins lose then this is the wackiest
season in history.
Dallas/Giants
Preseason speculation would have these two teams at opposite ends
of the standing's spectrum and not tied in the all important loss
column almost halfway through the season. The announcers will start
talking of this game like the old days of Bill Parcells and Jimmy
Johnson. It is as far from that as possible. Jim Fassel has little
idea how to run a game plan and has been saved by a great run defense
while we aren't sure if Dave Campo actually knows why he is on the
field. This game does have great appeal beyond the fact that a loss
by the Giants might send Fassel into another "guarantee".
Start with the possibility of seeing Troy Hambrick replace Emmitt
Smith for a game. Watch to see if Clint Stoerner can survive against
a real defense. But the real end of the game to watch is the New
York end. Let's be honest we aren't contemplating the Campo/Stoerner
led Cowboys to storm into the playoffs are we? Not unless we've
been at the sterno hot and heavy. The disintegration of the Giants
is the important thing to watch. This is a game they should win
and win pretty big by using Tiki Barber running and receiving with
a little Toomer, Hilliard, and Dayne sprinkled throughout. If they
don't then we know that Jim Fassel's next address will be at Heidelberg
University.
Baltimore/Pittsburgh
The biggest question coming into this game is can the Steelers keep
the momentum - hate that word - from Monday night and steamroll
the Ravens. The Ravens can be whacked as the defense isn't quite
so scary and they have Randall Cunningham who is susceptible to,
ahem, erratic play. And for a mobile quarterback he gets sacked
a ton. Guess what Pittsburgh can do? They can sack the quarterback.
They also aren't bad at stopping the run, though that is where I
would at least try and attack. The problem for Pittsburgh is that
they are very one-dimensional offensively. Unless you believe that
Plaxico Burress and Kordell Stewart are the next Montana/Rice combination.
Yes, they looked nice against a Titans team that mailed in the second
half but the Titans mailed in the second half. Watch to see if Jerome
Bettis can run the ball against the Ravens. James Jackson's 77 rushing
yards are the most they have allowed this season to a running back.
If neither team can get the running game going it will be a battle
between Randall and Kordell. Boy, that could be ugly football. If
any game screams field goals it is this one.
Jacksonville/Tennessee
What was that song that Roy Rogers sang? I know, I'm dating myself.
Right, thanks Adam, "Happy Trails to You". If there was
ever a theme song for this match it is one wishing a fond farewell
as both teams have seen better days. This could be a good day for
Mark Brunell as the Titans secondary and pass rush are non-existent.
If Kordell can scorch you, anyone on the block will be able as well.
Most eyes should be focused on the running game Tom - who stole
my strawberries -- Coughlin has three running backs vying for one
job. All we know is he is pissed with Stacey Mack for dropping a
pass and Elvis - he's in the house, sorry - Joseph will be in on
passing downs. Who gets to carry the rock is the big question. They
had Kansas City refugee Frank Moreau practicing with the first team,
at least, when the press was around. This is important because there
are no sightings of Fred - Catch me now I'm falling - Taylor and
may not be for another month at the earliest. Watching the Titans
is akin to being a professional funeral attendee. Sure the running
back situation is important but George won't be gone long and if
he can't run for the Titans, we don't see Skippy Hicks doing the
job. Paul Tagliabue has asked that a priest attend to administer
the last rites to the loser.
Philadelphia/Arizona
Isn't the NFC East fun? The top three teams - we, amazingly, include
Arizona in that triumvirate - all lost and the bottom two won, giving
the NFC East a free-for-all look. The Eagles are still leading but
they are full of holes and the Cardinals are the epitome of the
hole. The Eagles should win and probably do it by running the ball
but who does the running? Will Duce get the job back, is it strict
RBBC, or does Correll have the feature job and Duce is the second
attraction? The Cardinals have bigger problems as the "Snake"
came back to bite them against the Cowboys. He played well against
the Eagles a few weeks back and they were able to run the ball but
they may have to do that without Michael Pittman who has a bad head
- we knew that from his "problems" this summer. This is
Thomas Jones' second, third, or fourth attempt at taking the job.
That is if the team doctors keep Pittman on the sidelines. Team
doctors in the NFL haven't gotten much further than applying leeches
when it comes to medicine so anything is possible. The biggest question
is can the Eagles beat a team that is supposed to be beaten or are
they just along for the ride hoping that Donovan McNabb can win
enough games by himself to lose in the first round of the playoffs?
Maybe asking the question is the answer.
Detroit/San Francisco
How many points can the 49ers run up on the clawless Lions? Is Jeff
Garcia healthy, which means able to run the ball as well as throw?
Does it matter as the Lions couldn't storm a sewing circle? We assume
that the Garrison Hearst/Kevan Barlow battle is all over but the
shouting and the only running back drama is James Stewart and his
bad wheel. How many people are relying on Lamont Warren or Reuben
Droughns for fantasy points? Our prayers are with you. The 'Friscans
should put this game away if they are truly a playoff team. If 49ers
can't put the Lions away, and this game smells of an upset, stop
paying close attention to them. Watch to see if David Sloan has
snapped out of his two-year funk or was it a blue moon that rose
a week ago. How many shots of Matt Millen will we see? They should
put up a shot of Matt Millen before he took the job and a picture
of him now. Are we talking Dorian Gray?
Kansas City/San Diego
This is the game that shows how topsy-turvy preseason expectations
can be. The Chiefs were contenders for a playoff spot in the preseason
and the Chargers were heading forward but 8-8 would've been a good
year. Now the Chiefs are looking ahead to a top draft choice and
the Chargers will settle for nothing less than 10-6. This game could
be an interesting match with the Chargers able to run the ball over
the Chiefs defensive line and the Chiefs trying to throw the ball
against a San Diego secondary that is suspect. Watch how often they
go to Tony Gonzalez as he is having a flat, for him, year. Who starts
at wide receiver for the Chiefs, is Carlos Carson going to suit
up? Speaking of wide receivers, Curtis Conway has played a whole
season without missing a game. It took two years but he hasn't missed
a game since the middle of last season. Resiliency, thy name is
Conway. Don't have the stats in front of me but Doug Flutie has
to be one of the winningest - percentage-wise -- QBs of all-time.
When was the last time he sported a losing record as a starting
QB?
Seattle/Washington
The word out of Washington is that the team is buying into Marty
Schottenheimer's way of thinking. We think he played the Byung-Hyun
Kim of teams - New York Giants - one week and the Panthers the other.
Pardon me but if you are playing a pitiful team that hands you the
game there is little inspiring about the win and the clubbing of
the Giants was like picking the pockets of the homeless. If they
best the Seahawks we will sit up a little - assuming we are sober.
Nice to see that Marty is letting Tony Banks throw the ball further
than the line of scrimmage, if he had done that with Jeff George,
George may still be with the team. Maybe that was his diabolical
plot to begin with. Stephen Davis is running well but the Seahawks
are stopping the run and something must give. We bet on the defense.
Watch the Seahawks passing game, as Hasselbeck is one bad pass from
getting the hook. This should be a good game for Shaun Alexander
but the specter of Ricky Watters looms if he places the ball on
the ground. He has four lost fumbles in three and a half games.
Indianapolis/Buffalo
Wonder how Ralph Wilson took the loss Sunday? He made the game into
a Jihad and had to watch as Doug Flutie scored the winning points.
The Doug Flutie his new, smarter organization left by the side of
the road. Employees the world over must've held hands and sang,
"We shall overcome." Or something like that. If last week
was the Super Bowl then what does this week become? Is this the
Pro Bowl? Somehow downtown Buffalo doesn't feel the same as Honolulu.
Unless you envision the escalating snow banks as white sand dunes.
If the Colts lose then Jim Mora should be left to walk back to Indianapolis.
The biggest question surrounds Edgerrin James' -- is the Steely
Dan song "Your Gold Teeth" his trademark - health. If
he is healthy, or starting, there is no problem, if not, then the
fight over Dominic Rhodes will be great. Watch Peerless Price as
he has a pattern of 3, 103, 9, and 151 yards over the last four
weeks. If the pattern continues we are possibly looking at 27 or
81 yards.
Jets/New Orleans
How many passes will Aaron Brooks throw? The Jets are miserable
at stopping the run and Ricky Williams, we hear, is quite able carrying
it. What really matters is whether Curtis Martin can run the ball
against New Orleans. That is the most important aspect of the game
as a good Jets run game fights a good Saints run defense. If the
Jets fail they place Vinny Testaverde in the jaws of Joe Johnson.
Get me Chad Pennington on the line. This should be the game that
sends the Saints closer to the playoffs and smacks the Jets back
to reality.
Denver/Oakland
Oakland against Denver on Monday night, it doesn't get much better
than that. Even if we have to tolerate the announcing crew this
is "Must See TV" - I await the NBC lawsuit. The biggest
question is who gets the rock for Denver at running back. We know
that it won't be Olandis Gary, as he must've spit in Mike Shanahan's
corn flakes. If healthy, it will be Terrell Davis as he is the teacher's
pet. One more injury to Terrell and the FDA is ordering a recall
of Chunky Soup. Not a hell of a lot to watch the Raiders for as
they have the season on cruise control. Keep an eye on Sebastian
Janikowski as he could be getting primed for a big after game party
early.
Mark Bond can be found,
most days, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn, eating hot sausage sandwiches
topped with BBQ chips, chili, and coleslaw, slapping back Cuervo
shooters, and rambling on about those warm evenings spent with Janet
Reno. He is not related to James Bond but has the same air of sophistication
of Sean Connery. Mark is currently annoying his workmates at Jackpot
Sports, home of the first daily fantasy baseball game, the Reggie
Jackson Fantasy Baseball Challenge, plus weekly and seasonal Fantasy
Football games.
