No one saw it coming. No one could have predicted the senseless
carnage about to happen. There were signs even the best experts
ignored. Not even The Commissioner could have foreseen the brutal
slaughter of running backs in the NFL in the 2001 season.
It had its innocuous beginnings in preseason. It has spread
like the black plague during the first half of the regular season.
Few fantasy owners were prepared for the devastating losses they
would endure through eight weeks of intense competition. Teams
have been plagued by losses; the effect on fantasy owners has
been demoralizing.
Judging by my email, and the leagues I am involved with, the
reaction manifests itself as panic, then resignation followed
by deep depression. The first half of this season may even leave
permanent scars on the libidos of affected owners. Some have spent
virtually every waking moment on the Internet checking injury
reports, the waiver wire and the free agent market. They have
read every article, scanned newspapers throughout the country
and tuned into every football show on the airwaves. For many this
has been to no avail.
Veterans used to call these owners "Fantasy Geeks".
I am afraid many owners have taken this route becoming the type
of person they so much like to ridicule. These are the people
who catch every football show on the tube. They incessantly listen
to every radio talk show regarding fantasy. They have no life
outside the realm of the fantasy season. Following the Super Bowl
they hibernate to follow trades, free agent rumors, with the highlight
being the college draft. They spend endless hours alone plotting
next year's draft. They have little life outside of the fantasy
world they build.
On the other extreme, owners have given up. They are easily
distinguishable, as their line-ups never change even during off
weeks. They have lost all will to compete. Depressed, they wear
the label of "loser" because they know they are. They
attribute the success of other owners to luck as they spend Sundays
sulking in front of the tube. These owners, perhaps reluctantly,
have become quitters. They have forgot the age-old adage, "Quitters
never win, and winners never quit." They have given up on
their team on themselves and on the fantasy world. Quitting is
not a healthy place for any human being to exist for any great
period of time. In fact, neither reaction to the waste being laid
upon running backs in the NFL is healthy. There are some things
you can do as an owner to combat the feelings of becoming so anal
you are taking fantasy magazines to the privy for relief or becoming
so depressed you wonder why ever decided to play this ridiculous
game.
First, accept the fact the position of running back has been
clear-cut like a Boise Cascade forest. The big trees have fallen;
the saplings have yet to take root. Quit whining, stomping your
feet and feeling sorry for yourself. It is the way the season
is going to be so get over it. The worst is probably yet to come.
Remember, most running backs get hurt in the second half of the
season when they are tired. Internalize it then allow the season
to unfold, as it will. There is nothing you can do about it except
cope as best you can. As my guitar player Wally is fond of saying,
"It's a long road ahead and it aint always going to be a
super highway. Most of it is dirt road and you are going to have
to just keep driving." At the risk of sounding like PhD.
Laura, let me offer you gentle readers some strategies for eating
all of this dust while you enjoy the scenery.
- ANESTHESIA: I don't recommend
a constant application but, after losing both of your stars
in the first half of a double header, you may want to drink
it over. The rest of the games become a constant blur with no
real distinction. In fact, Sunday can be a total blur of running,
catching, tackling and touchdowns and you will have no idea
who won or how your team did. It is a comfort zone requiring
little work and even less thinking.
WARNING: Applying this strategy to
every Sunday could lead to some problems. If you are even close
to considering Jack Daniels or Bud Weiser for man of the year,
it is time to abandon this coping mechanism.
- QUIT WATCHING: I know football
on Sunday is fun. It is no fun when you are watching your team
being dismantled by injury. There are plenty of sources to find
out the result of the games. By reading you only have to imagine
the injury to your player, not see the replay five times experiencing
repetitive pain with each viewing. There is no such thing as
instant replay in a newspaper or on any of the fantasy web sites.
There is a one-time kick in the gut. The pain is intense, but
it is shorter than living with it for an entire Sunday.
- ENGAGE A PSYCHIC: I know Miss.
Cleo is having legal problems at the moment, but she is out
there for you. If not Miss Cleo, there are many other sooth
Sayers out there who would be happy to take your money. The
can remove the burden of being responsible for your own stupid
decisions. Face it, you are already going into debt with trades
and free agent pick-ups, why not permit someone else to make
your poor decisions and let it go? It is hard to put a price
on your mental health.
- GET A VOODOO DOLL: It may
sound corny, but the feeling of casting a spell on your rival
or their team could provide some needed relief. It could also
provide a sense of satisfaction. Just sticking the pins into
an inanimate object could provide you with pleasure before the
pain of the next fantasy weekend. It may not work, but so far
nothing else, outside of blind luck, has worked this season.
Consider this a form of therapeutic acupuncture. There is nothing
like needling somebody to make your point.
- TRADE: Even if you make ridiculous
offers, you are at least communicating. Communicating with others
has always been a means of staying mentally healthy. By attempting
to trade you are a part of the action, you are still a part
of the game. There are extremes. I know fantasy players who
have no one left on their team from the original draft due to
trades. They may not be doing any better in the standings, but
they have given everything to be terrible. Don't be satisfied
with "single player" deals, go for the blockbusters!
Trade half of your team for one player, then trade them to someone
else to get a whole new team. You may have a hard time remembering
week to week who you have, but at least you will have a fresh
bunch of players to complain about.
- STARTER DARTS: Though I have
not reached this level of desperation yet, I have developed
a new approach to make the fantasy season fun and exciting.
Since there is no such thing as broad based consistency in the
league, accept it. Play by chance completely. Create individual
cards for the players and the positions. Have someone in the
house select one position group on the board, then fire away.
Whatever you hit is what you start. If I had used this technique
last week I may have stuck Steve McNair instead of logically
selecting Aaron Brooks. I may slide to this level and try the
method if Stephen Davis gets hurt during his off week.
- GET A LIFE: Send in your line
up for the week, then forget about it. Spend time with your
family. Get off the coach, get out of the house and reacquaint
yourself with the real world. You might discover things about
yourself and your family you have neglected during the season.
On the other hand, life is too short to let an entire fantasy
season go by. Besides you may discover they really don't need
you. This may cut even deeper than the pain of watching your
backfield get decimated. Reality is really not as much fun as
fantasy. You may be better off finding another strategy.
Face another fact. If you are a fantasy owner you are, by nature,
a masochist. You may say you hate the stress, the anxiety, but deep
down inside you enjoy every miserable moment a fantasy weekend has
to offer. There is a certain amount of pleasure in your misery.
Accept it and move on. Maintain your sense of humor. You will need
it later.
This has been the most unusual season I have ever played in this
crazy game. In the first three weeks of the season I lost six starting
running backs. I know I am not alone. Running backs from Anderson
to Wheatley have dropped out for a period of time or the entire
season. Even Edgerrin James missed his first game in three years.
When the season started it looked so bright. There were at least
ten reasonably solid looking running backs. The numbers have not
changed during the season. The question is who will the ten be?
It is a season of high anxiety coupled with tremendous league balance.
We are only puppets in this drama. The NFL pulls the strings.
Last week I made a blockbuster deal. I traded Brett Favre for two
other quarterbacks, one wide receiver and Lamar Smith. Smith is
the one I really wanted, as my other backs are Dayne, Levens, Huntley,
Davis, Barlow and Watters. (Hardly "Murderers Row".) Still,
considering I lost two top-flight backs in one week for the season,
I felt this was respectable. I had high hopes for Sunday. I knew
Miami would run the ball, as the weather was terrible. They would
be running the ball against a weakened Carolina defense. Smith got
37 rushing yards for the game. I am not sure how you would feel,
but my back is killing me!
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