I know, many of you think I am nuts to even try to compare the sport
of football to the game of golf. You would be right. Nuts, defined
by Webster's, means crazy or silly. I am crazy about both football
and golf. There are few moments during this time of year I am not
consumed by both. It only seems natural they should go together.
For the skeptics out there, requiring proof of this relationship,
consider any culture can be defined by their language. Eskimos
have over 17 words to describe snow because of their environment.
There are cultures around the globe who don't have the words "theft"
or "steal" in their language because they have no concept
of ownership. Language is an accurate snap shot of a culture.
On the surface football and golf may have different cultures,
but their lexicons would lead one to another conclusion.
During a particular messy round at my local mountain links,
I began to explore the meaning of the word, "rough."
It is used both in the vernacular of football and golf. If a football
player is rough he may gain a reputation as being aggressive.
If he is too rough, he could get a penalty or a fine, possibly
both. Being in the rough of a golf course is a penalty and, especially
during an open, it is not fine. As I trudged my way to the end
of the course it all began to come together. Unable to concentrate
on scoring, I began to focus on term familiar to both the worlds
of football and golf. By the end of 18 holes I had developed definitions
for turf, draft, spineless and sponsor exemption. By the time
I had left the sorry round in my rear view mirror I had developed
a list of 40 words or phrases shared between the two disciplines,
allow me to share a few.
Turf
In football it is a synthetic playing surface. (For players it
has other names inappropriate for a family article.) In golf it
is a synthetic surface used at driving ranges. In both football
and golf the natural surface is preferred.
Spike Less
Type of footwear football players use on synthetic surfaces and
golfers are required to wear on most public courses.
Draft
The NFL has the college, supplemental and expansion drafts. Golfers
have drafts at the nineteenth hole.
Sponsor Exemption
What star football players are able to obtain to garner huge shoe
deals from other than the "official" sponsor of NFL
uniforms. There is a set limit for each team. It is what struggling
golfers can get to participate in a tournament if they have not
passed "Q" school. Either one can have vast sums of
money attached to them.
Wide Right
Slice in golf, losing kick in a Super Bowl.
Wide Left
Hook in golf or a losing kick in the Super Bowl.
Air Attack
In football, the passing game or how golf is played in the United
States.
Ground Attack
The running game or how golf is played in the United Kingdom.
Par
The first three letters in the word, "Parity," the goal
of the NFL. It is also what the pros say is the number of proper
strokes to put the ball into the hole in golf. The frustration
of trying to attain either can lead to violence, environmental
destruction and deep depression.
Birdie
What opposing football brutes can give to one another or their
fans, one under par.
Eagle
Team in Philadelphia or two under par. (You could say a Duce under
par.)
Fairway
How the likes of Knute Rockne thought the game of football should
be played or the short grass on a golf course.
Shaft
What the Oakland Raiders got in the playoffs last season or what
connects the club head to the golfer's grip.
Jail
Where some former NFL players end up or an unplayable lie on a
golf course. Neither one makes for a happy day for any of the
participants.
Digging In
What defenses do when they are backed up against their own goal
line. It is what amateurs do on the golf course when facing a
tough shot. In golf it is also known as a chunk.
Open
What all wide receivers say they are, or a major golf tournament.
Swing
Take one at another player in football; you will get a penalty
or fine. It is the elusive search of all golfers; most are not
fine resulting in many penalties.
Of course there are more terms, but I hope you are getting the
idea. For those of you who are still saying there are no real
similarities because one is a collision sport played in pads and
a helmet, while the other is played in shorts and ridiculous shirts,
I offer you this. Is there anything more violent than the "collision"
of Tiger Woods driver meeting a golf ball? Is there anything more
beautiful than and Ernie Els, "blast" from the sand?
Or is there anything more dramatic than a, "bomb" delivered
by John Daly? One sport is contact, the other collision.
True, chances of getting your fibula shattered is greater on
a football field than at your local links. It is unlikely your
opponent will "clip" you anywhere but the pocket book
in golf. The bottom line is, both disciplines are activities mental
and physical chess. One must always be thinking ahead and in the
present at the same moment. Both require a form of discipline
most mortals can only imagine, yet never possess. The best part
is, both are games of fantasy with moments of total exasperation
and exaltation. I may have never hit a hole in one, but I have
sunk an eagle putt to win a match. I have never played with the
pros in football, but I do draft, buy and trade them. To be successful
in either endeavor involves a bit of gambling and a lot of management.
For the fantasy skeptic, face reality and ask yourself this
question, "Why do so many pro football players yearn to be
playing in celebrity golf tournaments?" The answer could
be because of the color of the playing surface, their desire to
hit instead of being hit and the competition within and without
makes them feel right at home.
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