You're on your favorite golf course and playing well. The putts
are falling, the greens are in reach and you are hitting the ball
fairly straight. You're just beginning to think in low numbers,
and there they are two people you know too well, "Am I. Slow" and
"Doesnt Haveaclue." You know that has to be their names because
Slow is busy giving instructions to Doesnt on the tee box and neither
one has a clue. Although they see you, they don't acknowledge your
approach and you get the pleasure of watching these two ply their
talents on the course. It will probably be the only entertainment
you get the rest of the day.
After explaining to Doesnt his strategy, Mr. Slow takes five perfect
practice swings, backs off the ball, sites his target, approaches
the ball and then drills a seventy yard drive down the fairway.
He then says, "My left is too dominant," and instructs his protégé'
on how to strike the ball crisper. Doesnt hits, with similar results,
and they hop in their cart to bump merrily down the course at 50
to 100 yards at a whack, until they hit the green. Here Slow will
demonstrate the fine art of putting by plumb bobbing the green,
taking four or five practice swings, taking a final read by cupping
his Titleist cap with his hands, two more practice swings and then
miss the hole by five feet. You know they won't let you play through
the rest of the day. You also know every hole is going to be about
the same as the last hole. You may as well be entertained by this
circus because, if you are not, the rest of the day is going to
be nothing but an exercise in frustration and really no fun at all.
So, aside from saving Lawrence Taylor from cocaine and allowing
John Elway to hawk beer, what does any of this have to do with fantasy
football? The answer is nothing and everything. Poor course management,
a lack of courtesy and ignorance can make a fantasy draft frustrating
in any league. Slow play can take an eight team league draft and
turn it into a five hour endurance contest of Olympic proportions
and it is all avoidable if the league will just follow the rules
of Ready Play and Individual performance. If the participants in
the league follow the rules, then the course will run smoothly and
no one will have to explain to their spouse why it took so long
to "play a round."
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This might sound obvious, but rarely
is everyone prepared for draft day. Do your scouting, read
some literature, spend some time on-line and prepare some
sort of depth charts. There is no excuse for not knowing who
retired, who died, who is injured and who has a season long
reservation in a barred room. The information is more available
than ever and most of the sources are free. |
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If you are working with a partner, take
some time to confer on strategy before the draft. Decide ahead
of time what player you plan to take and get the details worked
out. Arguments only take time and there is no reason to air
dirty laundry in public. |
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Bring your draft sheets, work sheets,
high lighters and pens. Listen and cross players off as they
are drafted and give some fore thought as to who is available
and who you would like to select. Be ready when it is your
turn. Fantasy football is not quantum mechanics and doesn't
require that much gray matter. Make a pick and live with it.
Like most of the people who occupy seats in the United States
Congress have learned, things go better when you PLAY WELL
WITH OTHERS. |
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It might sound trite, but showing up
on time is a courtesy to everyone and saves for a lot of frustration
in the ranks. If you have to be late, give a list to another
player and trust them to do their best for you. When you finally
arrive don't bitch about the picks. After all, they were there
on time, you weren't. |
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It is okay to imbibe during the draft,
but getting tanked only clouds judgement and can delay the
draft. Getting smashed may be some fun for the participant,
but it is a bummer for everyone else. There is a reason they
push "free drinks" in the casinos and it is not because drinking
makes you smarter. |
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Leave the kids at home. You can't expect
them to be enamored by a process they will probably find tedious
and boring and they will want to be entertained somehow. Who
can blame them? Don't expect everyone else to be as understanding
and caring about your brood as you are. |
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Don't ever look at someone else's draft
lists unless you have their permission. This can lead to a
good argument and maybe fisticuffs. |
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Go to the bathroom after you have made
your selection, not just before it. If you have to leave,
find out who was taken in your absence and the status of the
draft upon your return. |
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As harsh as it may sound, don't continually
help someone who selects Dan Marino by saying "He's retired"
because his next pick could be as strong as the selection
of Bam Morris. If they want to take Steve Young, let them.
He has been doing a great job on Salt Lake television. |
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Snacks are okay, but don't order a full
dinner unless you can track the draft while dining. |
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Unless it is an emergency, leave the
cell phone at home. The other players probably really don't
care about your personal or business life. |
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Don't give out too much grief unless
you can handle it in return. Too much crap can lead to harsh
words, feelings and fights. |
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It is the JOB OF THE COMMISSIONER to
make sure the selection process runs smoothly. Like it or
not the final decisions of the league are made by one person
and they set the league's tone for the entire season. |
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Be select about the place where the
draft is to be held. Be willing to compromise to a point,
but you will never please everyone. If the draft is to be
outside of the home make arrangements with the place so that
your group can be away from the jukebox and the crowd. Screaming
selections for an entire evening gets real old and gets on
people's nerves. If the draft is going to be at a home, make
sure there is enough room for players to have some privacy
and spread materials out for use. A large Draft Board can
help players track the draft and is a great atmospheric visual. |
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Provide everyone with a handout of the
payoffs, rules and responsibilities. The sheet should have
primary and alternate phone numbers of league members, along
with email addresses and deadlines for final line-ups. Even
if you have been with the same group for years, verbally review
the rules before the draft starts and try to look interested
in anyone's suggestions and comments. |
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Set a time limit for selections and
adhere to it. You can fudge a little, but if the time limit
is three minutes, don't give someone six minutes. Everyone
else is waiting. The truant player should lose that draft
selection and they will have to pay a price in the free agency
market for not being prepared. It is only fair to the players
who are prepared. |
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You might want to agree on a set break
during the draft to prevent delays. A ten minute break in
the middle of the draft will allow people to take care of
their business and not be absent from the room during the
action. |
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Be fair, be in control and, at least
try, to be nice to everyone. |
The draft is one of the most fun events during any fantasy season.
It is a time where you watch the action unfold and ply your strategies.
At the beginning of the season all hope springs eternal and what
could be better then sharing it with like minded individuals who
are as sick as you are. It is a select group and is to be appreciated,
but not for hours and hours. The draft, like a ruined golf game,
can get frustrating if it gets backed up. If there is one functional
philosophy for any league it should be KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid
and the selection process will be one of the highlights for any
league. Don't let "Am I. Slow" and "Doesnt Haveaclue"
be the night's entertainment.
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